Burning Snowflake

I inhale it with refreshment and exhale it with satisfaction. I can feel each note as it leaves the intrinsic place where it was first created and so fervently makes its way to my ears. Every note hits me differently; some feel arctic and crisp, like I have just stepped in the midst of a winter storm. My face goes numb from the chill that each note brings as it pierces right to the bone. But only then, when I can feel the cold hit me so suddenly, am I aware that I am, in fact, alive and breathing. Other times, it hits me like the sun, blazing down in rays of heat. Each note melts on my forehead and becomes a part of my being. The warmth I experience has more bubbles than a bottle of champagne could even fathom. In complete soberness music has me under the influence. It's something divine. Like every note, every lyric, were placed in my ear so carefully by the hand of God himself. My favorite notes however, are the kinds that bring with it a sort of revelation. The ones that creep under my skin and suddenly find their way out the tiny hairs on my arms as each hair stands up to applaud the sound my ears have just experienced. The ones that somehow make my jaw muscles loosen and my eye lids seem as though they were meant to close so I can truly see. Music is an encounter that can take me to a place no one else can touch. Only here, in the midst of this array of all emotions, can imagination meet possibility if the mind is open to the wonders they both possess.

Freedom of Expression Shows That We Are Not Free

He was just your average American, looking for a way to make a name, a way to make his voice heard, when so many voices sound the same. But today's average American isn't average can't you see, we are blind if we don't realize average isn't what it used to be. We are told now more than ever, to express our individuality. So express it we do, through art and music, through words, through clothes and tattoos. Listen as YOLO gets thrown around like it's a game, but if we only live once, why do so many live in shame? Don't you get it, "We only live once?" And now 26 people's lives on earth are done, it was through expression they were killed, not with a gun.

Expression was not meant to be bad, no in fact it is good, but there is something wrong with the way have turned into walking puppets made of wood. We have let society attach to us strings of all sorts, and now our expressions are just the media's reports. Look at the television as it tells us what we should be, and by telling us, somehow that's expressing individuality? It throws at us news that is filled with anger and hate, but unless it happens to us directly we can't really relate. Watch as the media promotes a sex driven "party America" that portrays carelessness as okay. But for some reason millions of people are numb as they wake up each day? So we express how we feel on our computers at home, we let the world know when we are feeling alone. Through facebook, through twitter, through innate words in a text, but does this falsity we portray really express?

The answer is no, which is why bad things happen as they do, because no matter how hard we try, everyone just sees right through. Why? Because everyone is so busy expressing their own, they don't take the time to see someone else feels alone. "Look out for number one, Climb to the top of the ladder, Don't quit 'til it's done, Only I matter, It's all about me, What do I want, I want what I see, My life I will flaunt." Do you see that the U in United States is the YOU we express? If we put others first we wouldn't be in this mess.

Don't you see the raging river of evil flowing through this nation? Well people I'm telling you now, yo better grab your flotation. Because there are a lot of bodies just going with the flow, and it takes someone strong to stand up and show, that walking against the current of evil in this land, is the only way we can bring peace back to man. You see, it is the dead souls of today that flow down the river, come alive my friends, let's walk up stream until you see the sliver. The sliver of hope in the sky our Creator lets shine. Grab my hand and let's express something divine. If we must express ourselves let us express love, let us express the one who created us from above.

We shall call out His name as we mourn the children lost, and the wonderful teachers who all paid a cost, by being so brave and acting out of love, let us follow their footsteps as they watch from above. Let us live as those children, innocent and free, and love life just as He meant it to be. Bring God back to a world that is broken, and don't be afraid of His words if they are spoken. Find hope in Him and express your love to one another, grab a strangers hand, we are all sisters and brothers. Take a moment to not be concerned with you; there are so many other people that feel the way you do. Reach out to them, love them, put others in front of yourself, you'll find that helping someone brings the greatest wealth. If we are to express ourselves let it be through kindness and generosity, so we can put an end to all this atrocity. Cut the strings all you puppets, because God is not the one tying you down. He wants you to be free and spread the love all around.

Today you have the power to change a life and save a nation. Spread the love.

Sleepy Sally

It's harvest season. This means two things. 1)I spend the majority of my day driving 2 mph. 2)I get sleepy. Yes, you see, Sleepy Sally visits me almost every day, some days sooner than expected. When she arrives I have to muster up all the energy I can to keep her from taking me down. I’m sure you’ve been a victim of Sleepy Sally yourself. But, before I tell you about her visit, I must fill you in on her history.

“Long ago, Sleepy Sally was created by the sleep gods of our universe, with the intention to help people drift off to a peaceful sleep. She sang all those who welcomed her to sleep with soft lullabies, and made sure they slept through the night. Each person woke up feeling alive and refreshed the next morning. She was confined to the pillows, beds, couches, and reclining chairs of life…until, she became bored and angered. Her every day routine became too monotonous and she realized people were beginning to ignore her presence as the world began to get busier and busier. Because of this people started sleeping less and less. She became jealous and engulfed with rage. She starved for attention, and she was determined to get it back. One day Sleepy Sally sneakily and so cleverly broke out of imprisonment during the daylight hours to visit all of the busy people in the world. From that day on, the world as we know it began to change and today she conquers the vast majority of living humans as they try to accomplish fun, work, and school instead of sleep. Sleepy Sally has earned a bad name in today’s society, because if you fall for her, you will not accomplish anything, or so we’ve been told, so she haunts all who ignore her.”

Well, now that you know her background let me tell you about my last two days with her. There I was in my combine, driving along listening to the radio when all of a sudden I caught myself in a long stare. She snuck in unnoticed but found her way to my eyes as she made them heavy, while suddenly making my cares light. My shoulders drooped and my body felt relaxed. A bit too relaxed. It was 3:00 pm and I was running on five hours of sleep with the intention to work until late into the night. How would I get rid of her? I needed to keep her occupied until I was done working. Red Bull. (Caffeine has become our number one Sleepy Sally killer, but since we are silly humans we can’t really kill her, only keep her away for 5 hours and supposedly bring her enemy, Ernest Energy, to surface.) So the Red Bull gave me wings. Unfortunately it didn’t give my combine wings however, as we were far from flying, still driving 1.8 mph through the golden field. Sleepy Sally had left me, but she was soon to return.

Today, on a better night’s sleep I figured she wouldn’t pay me a visit again. I figured wrong. I blame the radio for her ability to sneak in. The problem with radio stations is they play the same seven songs over and over again and we can’t help but drift off into a trance. At approximately 2:00 pm, Sleepy Sally came out of confinement and snuck into my cab. She decided to take a more enticing approach as she began to whisper sweet nothings in my ear telling me that if I only just closed my eyes, everything would be alright. She’s a temptress, that Sally. I focused hard on the radio but no matter how many times Katy Perry came on the airwaves, I felt far from ‘wide awake.’ I had every note of Usher’s song down so perfectly by the tenth time it was played I really did want to ‘scream’ at the DJ to play a new song. If it would have been possible I might have even called up Maroon 5 and told them to hurry up and come out with a new hit because I could sing their current song backwards, but I guess they must be hard to get a hold of if they are still making calls from a ‘payphone’. So I turned the radio down and listened to the machine instead. Sleepy Sally grabbed hold of me and we met face to face, and then…

Sorry about the inconvenience but its midnight and a very needy, attention starved, tempting feeling has come over me. I will have to finish my story later. Crap. It’s her again. She’s calling me. I can’t ignore her any longer. Goodnight world.

Meet Tony: Part Two

Tony the Tiger is a tiger after all. I'm assuming he found out about my blog and read what I posted about him. That's the only way I can describe his peculiar behavior yesterday.

I was in the living room, about to head over to the neighbors to babysit, when all of a sudden I see Tony walk in off the deck, prancing, with something clamped between his jaws. He walked casually around the pool table and through the kitchen as I stand watching him from the living room. He then proceeded to walk right up to me and drop a baby bunny at my feet. He looked up at me like, "Here ya go dude" and then sort of pawed at the helpless bunny quivering in fear. I immediately picked up the bunny and yelled at Tony while looking at my watch, realizing I had to be at the neighbors in five minutes. But now I had a bunny in hand and an anxious cat attempting to climb my leg to reach him. What in the world was I going to do with a poor innocent little rabbit?

I had three choices, all of which weren't in favor of the little fur ball in my hand. A) I could give the bunny back to Tony and just leave. (I winced here) B) I could go put the bunny somewhere in the garden hoping his mom would find him. C) I could take him to the neighbors and let a 5 yr old boy and 3 yr old girl squeeze him to death with utter excitement.

So I scurried around in search of a shoe box and wrapped the bunny tightly in a washcloth and headed out the door. And wow, were those two kids happy. Before I could even get out the words 'be careful with him', the little 3 year old had him by the throat, running around the living room jumping and squealing "Can we keep him? Can we keep him?"

Then it had to be explained that he wouldn't live if they tried to keep him because he was too little. This was a tragic moment for the kids and I realized then, maybe giving the bunny back to Tony may have been a better idea. The 3 year old, after several tears, accepted that the bunny couldn't be a pet and I quickly tried to change the subject as we went to the bathroom to wash our hands, while their mom snuck him out of the house and went on her way.

That evening when I came home from playing with the kids I turned on the light to find another peace offering from Tony. A lizard lay right in the middle of the living room floor, dead as a doorknob, Tony nowhere in sight. I underestimated you Tony the Greeeeeeeaaaaat White Hunter. A bunny and a lizard in one day says a lot for a cat who eats whipped cream on a platter.

Meet Tony

Let me tell you about Tony. He's a tiger. In spirit. Actually no, not even in spirit. In spirit I would say he's comparable to a helpless teenage girl. He would never survive in the wild. They don't serve whipped cream on a platter.

One thing about Tony, he always thinks about food. I guess you could say, he thinks like the average American. I have never actually met a cat who cannot enjoy just lounging around all day, because he fears he will never be fed again. Every time I make a motion for the fridge he is at my heels with his tiny little roar of a meow, just hoping I will drop a crumb his way. His happiness depends on me. Yeah, he would never make it in the wilderness. Last night as I was doing my thing in the kitchen and he was at my heels, following me step for step as if we were practicing a choreographed song together, I realized this cat has never been hungry in his life. And it irritated me. So I said very sternly, "Tony, do you realize there are lions and tigers starving in Africa this very minute? They are thankful to eat a mouse let alone a small antelope so please, don't even start with the 'I'm hungry' thing man. You're not."

He still didn't get my point. I had laid out a chicken breast on the counter earlier so it could unthaw and either he wanted to prove to me he could hunt or he did it out of spite, but he jumped up on the counter and ran off with my chicken breast. I chased him around the pool table mad as a hornet wanting to yell really mean and awful things. But I was at the point somewhere in between love and anger, chasing around a cute furry cat with big round eyes and my dinner in his mouth, so the words that came out wouldn't have even phased a five year old in timeout. I yelled, "Tony....urrrg you're such a bad kitty!!" What a terrible thing to say.

So I got my dinner back and as I was cleaning it off and throwing out the part his tiny fangs had demolished it occurred to me Tony is just like a man. He is always hungry, and when he thinks he has stolen your heart, he goes for the breast.

As Shania Said It: That Don't Impress Me Much

A phrase I recently heard that has permanently found a home in my memory bank is this one, “We were created to bless people not to impress people”. After I jogged over the phrase a few times and let it tumble around in my head my brain began forming all sorts of ideas and I realized a few things. First of all we are approaching people in all the wrong ways. My interpretation of this phrase is that God doesn’t always bless me personally from his hand to my grasp, but also by his placing another human being on the path I walk in life. This allows for me to also be blessed by that person as well if I allow for it. The trouble is, most of us, as the phrase suggests, are here to impress, and when you impress before you bless, you place yourself before others.

When we meet someone new what is the first thing we do? Size them up. See how they compare. See what is flawed or unique or out of the ordinary. Pick up instantly on something we like or dislike. We pass judgment. It’s natural! Why can’t we remember names on first introduction? Some people like me would blame a bad memory, but if I can memorize a telephone number at first recital I should be able to remember a name. The only difference is a phone number can’t talk and the shoes it cannot wear do not distract me. What if we actually paid attention to people the way we were meant to? If we realized individuals were unique in their own way and really weren’t that different from ourselves. If we looked them in the eyes and saw they had a soul instead of a zit on their forehead. The problem with that idea is the “I before he except after acceptance. Then, maybe once in a while”

We all think in different ways as we approach a person. A doctor for example, may begin to look at people as patients; the coughing one, the one with the cast, the one with the tumor, the cancer survivor, the pregnant lady and so on. But it doesn’t even take a doctor to start to analyze and find yourself diagnosing someone even in the aisles of the supermarket. That person is too fat, she will struggle with diabetes, that person is too skinny, I bet she’s anorexic. That person has bad posture he will get osteoporosis. That person has raggedy clothes, I bet they are foul smelling and poor. We analyze, we pass judgment, we critique and we observe, often times before a person ever has the chance to speak.

What are more interesting though are the things that come out of our mouths when we do get a chance to speak. So often they are words formed together into a sentence that will sound impressive. And oh how we love to talk about ourselves. My friend put it to me the other day like this, “We are all just overgrown babies”, and that we are. Who is not dying for some attention from someone? Who doesn’t like to feel comforted and complimented and told ‘good job’? Who in this world can do everything all on their own? Nobody. The idea that we have distorted is that of who will reap the benefits. We approach a person and their situation like this: what’s in it for me? Why should I help you? Why should I care? What does that have to do with me? How much time will this take? By doing this we again place our needs before theirs and give away the opportunity to bless.

I’ll end by sharing a story my pastor shared a few weeks ago that will forever stick with me. He said he was walking down the street some twenty years ago and saw a blind man shuffling along down the sidewalk across from him. He was clearly blind as he was cautiously walking and feeling his way down the street. What caught his eye though was the man walking right next to him holding on to his arm. This man had his sight and was directing the blind man where to go. But, as he watched the man walk it became obvious that he was crippled and couldn't walk properly. Something was wrong with one of his legs that wouldn't allow him to walk on his own. Suddenly this feeling of great appreciation and love came over Mike (my pastor) as he realized that the blind man was using the crippled man's eyes to compensate for the crippled man to use the blind man's strong and healthy legs. They were leaning on and depending on each other for their weaknesses so both of them could get down the street. His point in this story was to emphasize that when we go through struggles in life, yes, we should put our hope and trust in the Lord, but also to be aware of the people God places in front of us on our journey to help us in our weaknesses. We as human beings were made to lean on each other and ask for help from each other instead of always trying to figure things out on our own, because we can relate to one another.

How cool to think that a person who comes across your path in life is not only someone you can benefit from, but more importantly, a person that can benefit from knowing you. That speaks volumes! That’s power. And we have that power at our grasp if only we knew what to do with it. We were made to bless not to impress.

The Rainy Day Dreamer

Sitting here in the quiet, tuning into only nature’s beat, I listen as the distinct drops of rain meet the surfaces of everything man has created. I am filled with a cleansing emotion as I watch the water roll out the gutter down it’s destined path and into the canyon below. Please take with it, all my worries and fears. The birds sit on the edge of the deck ruffling their feathers and dancing in the puddles as if the shower brings with it a giddy and lighthearted sentiment. I can hear children playing in this drizzly mister God has created just down the street as their toddler like shrieks of excitement echo. It’s after five now, the clouds are closing in but I feel they bring with them a blanket of comfort. Windows from across the canyon are beginning to light up as people are returning from their workday. The orchestra of rainfall drowns out the faint sounds of the freeway and those who’ve yet to arrive to their destination. I watch as the beads of rain hang on the tree’s delicate branches as if decorating them with a sparkling necklace. I smell a fireplace burning next door as a brisk, smoky chill suddenly fills the air. The rain is beginning to let up and that feeling of sadness overcomes me. Not a lasting sort of sadness but the kind a person receives when they are experiencing the last song at a concert and suddenly realize the show is almost over. I soak up every moment as the darkness engulfs the light that is left from the day. This last hour has been a successful one. Thank you God for again letting me feel your presence.

Spiritual Struggle

This past week has been one of those I’d like to call a “spiritual slump”. Everybody experiences it at some point, some longer than others, but for those who understand what I mean, it’s that feeling of no progress. I don’t mean this in the physical, or materialistic aspect. I mean it in the spiritual sense. When we think of progress anymore, we think of it in terms of new and better things; more knowledge, more money, more possessions. Better technology, better theories, better ways to improve our lives; but in all those ways, few are on the progress of the soul. A year ago from now I was in a spiritual slump. The only difference then was I wasn’t aware of it. Why? My progress was focused on everything from my skin outward and what I could gain. Progress within, I lacked, and I didn’t even know it. I was content. That is the biggest trap we fall into as individuals: Being content and denying reality. To deny that the world we are living in has, yes I will use the word “progressively”, become worse is in fact denying the very idea that we are in a spiritual battle.

So what happened this past week with me? Not that anyone else would have noticed but I didn’t measure up to the standards and goals I have set for myself. I wasn’t disciplined. And just as any athlete or any individual trying to work their way up the corporate ladder knows, without discipline there is no progress. What makes us become undisciplined? If things are going so great one way, why do we try another? Here’s why. The spiritual warfare. In my journey of soul searching I have found that the more I try to stay on the path of the straight and narrow the more I am tempted by the other side to step off of it. The devil doesn’t want us to win! He doesn’t like to see us succeed! That is what this fight is all about though. Walking with God is not easy. It is a FIGHT. It’s a decision you have to make every single day in every single moment. A soldier does not decide to join the Army, shoot a gun once and automatically win the war. It is an ongoing battle. We have to wake up every single day and make a decision to follow God yet again. It’s not supposed to be easy. If it were easy our nation would not be in the morally toxic state it is in, we wouldn’t be bankrupt and there would not be turmoil in the church. If it were easy to follow God obediently everyone would be doing it. But it’s not easy.

A person doesn’t just share their testimony of how they were saved and expect that because they are now a Christian they will never have to suffer. Sorry, but if you haven’t noticed, a Christian in today’s society suffers immensely, if he or she stands by their faith. Suffering is what brings you closer to God. But how many people do we meet from day to day and leave the conversation thinking, “Wow, that person loves God, they are what being a Christian is all about.” My guess is not very many, because it is not popular to speak of our Creator. It’s like saying Voldemort out loud in the Harry Potter Series. Only Voldemort is more comparable to the devil. Can you imagine if our society was that way? If speaking of sin and the devil that created it caused everyone around you to hush you and tell you not to speak of that name. Don’t think that J.K. Rowling was original in creating Harry Potter’s story. When any kid wishes he could be Harry Potter all he has to do is face reality and realize that we are fighting an even more intense battle. Harry Potter is a mild version of what is actually going on around us. Where is the magic then? In prayer! There is genius in prayer. I say this because that is one thing I got away from this past week. Praying. I’m not talking about the kind of prayer where you ask God, “Okay I am going in for a job interview tomorrow, please help me get the job.” I’m talking about the kind of prayer where you are talking to God about your life like he is sitting next to you. I’m talking about the kind of prayer where you forget your surroundings and delve into his presence. The kind of prayer where a person can fully understand the verse “Be still and know that I am God.” I got away from that, and it showed. Distractions, distractions, distractions. Noise. Noise. And more noise. Silence is a gift. Cherish it. I can learn more in an hour of silence than I could a year of schooling.

I was talking to a friend last night and I asked him, “What do you do when you know you are in a slump, when you are being tempted by sin and can’t seem to conquer it.” He then explained to me that he does one of two things. He either imagines the temptation, however great or small as a pitch being thrown at him as he stands on home plate. And just as the temptation reaches him he swings the bat of resistance and knocks it out of the park and imagines himself running the bases. I would throw in that standing at home plate to greet my victory and me is Jesus himself giving me a high five. “That”, he says, “Or I just imagine my guardian angel with his sword and shield standing out in front of me ready to whoop some ass.” I liked that one, because honestly, that’s what we are doing whether we are aware or not. When we put on the armor of God and fight we are staying disciplined in our duties as soldiers. Giving into temptation is like walking into a den of lions saying, “Here, bite me.” Giving into sin no matter how great or small, sin is sin, and being fully aware of what we are doing, is surrendering ourselves to evil. And when you do that, spiritual slumps like what I experienced are what come of it.

If you never experience a spiritual slump I think it’s safe to say you aren’t spiritual. People who aren’t struggling are the people who are standing off to the side of the battlefield concerned in their own affairs, not even aware that there is a battle-taking place. Let me assure you I was that person, I’ve seen some very dark times in my life. But sometimes it’s only then that you know what it means to tap into the light. And let me also say there are more people standing off to the side than actually fighting the battle. Why would I say that? Well how about we turn on the television? Watch the news, catch the latest movie about friends with benefits and see how the media has become so sexually oriented we now get to see a woman selling real estate on a billboard sign by showing her cleavage. Cleavage now even sells homes. Wow. Way to go America. How did it happen that in the last 60 years or so a commercial shown today would not be allowed to be aired back then? How did it happen that our music went from singing about your true love for your “Baby” to rapping about your true addiction to the act of making a baby? How did it happen that our president who, after thousands of years of human history, a Harvard law degree, and four years in the White House, cannot tell us with certainty what he thinks marriage or life is? I’ll tell you how, people stopped fighting the good fight and stood off to the side letting the enemy have open fire on our troops. I’m not talking in Afghanistan, I’m talking right here in America. Right down to every home and every school out there. People have become numb to this spiritual war, not realizing the wounds they are inflicting on themselves by progressing in every way but the soul itself.

Call me crazy. Call me too conservative. Call me self-righteous. Jesus too heard things like this from the Pharisees, but he kept on. When he came back to preach in his hometown he was even called “out of his mind” by his own relatives for his beliefs. How cool is that to follow someone that in his time was called “out of his mind”? If I could even amount to one of his toenails by the time I am done fighting this battle I will have accomplished something. I am a sinner. I will fail. I will get wounded in battle, many times because of my own lack of awareness and unpreparedness, but I will not stand to the side pretending as if there is not a battle to be fought. I will fight. Turning to the last chapter of the Good Book, it is evident who wins. And as I stand there on judgment day I want God to look at me and know that although I failed miserably, countless times, I was fighting for the winning team. In the end, that should be the only progress that matters.

I will end this little rant and rave by stating something that happened to me last night, clarifying that life is indeed about the little things. While I was telling my friend that I was in a spiritual dry spell I receive a text from my aunt saying, “Meant to tell you that I used you as an example in group the other day of letting God orchestrate your life for you. It has been fun to watch you follow his lead. Keep your heart open to his call and although there will be struggles, you will be happiest doing his will.” Don’t believe for a second that God doesn’t use people in your life to get you motivated about him. I didn’t tell my aunt I was struggling and somehow God had her type the very words I needed to hear to get me going again. Coincidences are God’s plan. Every time.