Happiness Is.

Happiness is. Happiness isn’t when you get your paycheck.
It’s that feeling you get when you loan a friend in need fifty bucks and expect nothing in return.
Happiness is. Happiness isn’t when you are excited it’s the weekend so you can unwind with a drink.
It’s when you are excited it’s Monday because unlike millions around the world you actually have a job.
Happiness is. Happiness isn’t when you live comfortably in the possession of expensive things.
It’s when you realize that there is an opportunity in the struggle to build your character.
Happiness is. Happiness isn’t when a drink or drug make you feel like you are soaring.
It’s discovering elation in the very state of being.
Happiness is. Happiness isn’t when you get a compliment that suddenly places you on top of the world.
It’s when you give that compliment and sincerely mean it.
Happiness is. Happiness isn’t just going to church every Sunday.
It’s when you can see God in everything and every person you meet.
Happiness is. Happiness isn’t indulging in a wonderful meal and over filling your belly because it tastes good.
It’s when you and self-denial team up at enough.
Happiness is. Happiness isn’t when someone sweeps you off your feet.
It’s that feeling you get after; when you trust that they won’t let you fall.
Happiness is. Happiness isn’t when you buy your child all that it wants to please them.
It’s when at night during their bedtime prayers they thank God to just have you.
Happiness is. Happiness isn’t when you are always having fun.
It’s when you search for fun in the things that mean the most.
Happiness is. Happiness isn’t when you and your loved one watch your favorite TV show together about made up characters.
It’s when a life-changing book could be written based on a conversation between the two of you.
Happiness is. Happiness isn’t when everything in your life is going right.
It’s when the world crashes down on you and you’re still able to find something to be thankful for.
Happiness is. Happiness isn’t when you have the best of everything.
It’s when you make the most of everything you have.
Happiness is. Happiness isn’t “If it feels good, do it.”
It’s when you learn that self-discipline sets you free to fly.
Happiness is. Happiness isn’t about the big achievements in life.
It’s about the major setbacks and how you overcome them.
Happiness is. Happiness isn’t based on an impulse.
If it were, there would be no such thing as addiction.
Happiness is. Happiness isn’t.

If happiness is based on circumstance we are all doomed. Happiness is a challenge. Search for it in everything. It is not something we are blessed with; rather it is something that we attain when we are thankful for our blessings, no matter how great or small. Happiness can be achieved by simply sitting in our own company if we realize that in that company we are never alone. Happiness is in Him, that’s why happiness is found in the little joys of life. Happiness can be found in itself when we give it to others. Happiness is discipline. Happiness is.

Roads, Souls and Fire

You and I. We fight the same battle even though they’re different.
See, if I walked in your shoes I’d still be walking the same distance.
You think you are alone in fighting with your mind, and well
We all are alone until that point in where we find, what time will tell.
Wait. For what? Wait for answers. When we all go out looking
That’s when we become our own cancers. Because the answer, lies within.
But as we go about our lives as tiny dancers we don’t acknowledge our own sin.
Here we are putting our lives out there for everyone to see.
Posting our daily duties like the world has paid a subscription to read.
But deep within us we each hold our secrets,
And our insides are on fire while fighting our own battles.
But if I were to honestly believe you didn’t have problems,
I wouldn’t see you on this road, you’d be on the one less traveled.
I’ve been on that road once and I intend to go back
This road we’re on now is paved with its tar fresh and black.
Its yellow lines are deceiving and the white ones hold you to it
But if all this noise stopped we could see right through it.
It’s not real. This road is chaos and confusion. We can’t figure out why we’re all hurting but we love it.
Life on this road is just an illusion. While our dreams sit in reality waiting for us to rise above it.
Every day we put those black lines around our eyes and dress up our bodies hoping to cover lies
But every day becomes another day we didn’t try. This car can’t run forever, soon it will die.
As our engine sputters and runs on its last fumes we will wonder
Was it really worth driving through the storm just to hear the thunder?
That path that’s narrow the one we all know is there, well, it’s covered with leaves
There are vines that stretch across it and grass grows tall like the trees.
But there’s peace there on that road, a peace that’s all been planted in us like a seed
And the day we step foot on its path we can let the sunlight in to dry up the weeds
Our souls are like caves, see; we keep them dark and hidden, only the light from outside gets in
But no. What if we let The Light in, what would he find in our shadowy corners?
Cobwebs and dust he would see, and he would peel off the guilt, shame, and fear around its borders.
That light is in all of us just waiting to be ignited, and once in flame we will still have to fight it
Just because a fire glows within doesn’t mean the other side won’t tempt you with sin
And he does. The more your fire grows the more often he comes. Sometimes evil will win.
That’s the challenge though. That’s how we really grow, and in doing so, that’s when we’ve made it,
To that narrow winding road, the one full of peace, simplicity and realness, don’t tell me you don’t crave it.

This Christmas Season

This Christmas season let my heart be full of love
Let me come to know my Savior sent from above
This Christmas season let me understand
We are celebrating a gift from the Makers hand
This Christmas season it’s not about what presents I receive
It’s about knowing why I’m here and saying I believe
This Christmas season let me not get caught up in things to do
It’s not about having things just right if I’m not just right with you
This Christmas season let me follow my North Star
And as I sit beside your manger let me see you as you are
This Christmas season it’s not just about the man in the sleigh
It’s about celebrating Earth’s most magnificent birthday
This Christmas season let me enjoy the company I keep
And remember with tears of joy the ones whose bodies are asleep
This Christmas season let me be full of gratefulness
And pray for those whose hearts are filled with hatefulness
This Christmas season let my soul light up the street
And put a smile on the faces of those in whom I meet
This Christmas season let me love the gift of giving
Because in doing so I discover why we’re living

The Fight

We all have a battle that we constantly will fight

Some think this fight lies in the battlefields where blood is shed
Others think this fight lies in the streets where guns are kept
Some think this fight is up to the President to revolutionize
Others think this fight lies in battling for their rights
Some think this fight is standing up for what you believe
Others think this fight is getting the glory when you achieve
Some think this fight is to battle a sickness and overcome it
Others think this fight is to get knocked down and rise above it

I think this fight lies in the very depths of our soul
I think this fight is something we can control
What we fight day in and day out? Temptation.

We fight temptation in every day decisions
But we let temptation win under certain provisions
You see in fighting temptation true heart is what we lack
Some couldn’t beat temptation with his hands tied behind his back
We let him whisper his sweet nothings in our ears
But we don’t think to blame him when giving in brings us tears
Fighting temptation is when you tell the body you’re in control
Fighting temptation is when you let the body come second to you’re soul
We let the body control our lives day in and day out
When it thinks it needs something we tend to its never ceasing shout
I need this it cries, I need that, give me more of all that I think I lack
I need more food, I need more drink, I need more drugs or so I think
Imagine our world if we didn’t have compulsive buyers and so to liars
The ones that when things don’t go their way turn into baby criers
Imagine our world with out those giving in to sex, drugs and the bottle
Or the ones who’s spending budget is always turned on full throttle
Imagine our world if people could just hold onto the deadliest weapon
Instead of letting their tongues spout off words that should have been kept in
Yes, if we didn’t have all those people, there would be no one left in any nation
Which makes me say once again our true battle is fighting temptation
When we can figure out our bodies die and our soul is what lives on
Maybe we can reverse the roles and make our soul’s needs number one

The Last Generation

Over time everyone has thought, their days were much simpler than now
They walked to school both ways, or had to fetch their milk from a cow
They didn’t have gadgets to entertain them, no they entertained themselves
And those foreign things called books, didn’t just sit up on shelves
Yes, I’ve heard stories about how my family had to slaughter their own chickens
And when my pops got into trouble, he knew what it meant to take a licken
Oh stories I’ve heard of my great grandparents and the times they had back then
And I wonder what kind of stories will we tell the next generation
Will we say we had it rough, when all answers were at our grasp
We type in a question on the web and we get a result in a flash
We think we have it rough if we have to miss our TV show
Or if our phone stops working, it totally messes with our flow
Will we say our lives were so busy we had to pay for Yoga to relax
And when we were kids we had books we had to carry on our backs
Will I tell my grandkids I had it rough stopping at red lights
Because fifty years from now they predict cars to be in flight
Am I the last generation that remembers what it was like
When we would go outside and play pretend and go for rides on bikes
Am I the last generation who remembers when a computer didn’t exist in the house?
And Saturday mornings were the kind of cartoons you watched a cat chase a mouse
Am I the last generation who remembers buying a cassette tape
And listening to songs by Shania Twain instead of rap that spits about rape
Am I the last generation who’s mothers liked to poof their bangs
And pantyhose and stirrup pants made you part of the cool gang
Am I the last generation who didn’t have a cell phone until seventeen
And so a guy had to call her parents home instead of texting to sound so keen
Am I the last generation who ate together as a family around a table
Instead of in front of a TV so we don’t have to talk because we’re not able
Am I the last generation who asked for dolls as a Christmas present
Instead of a Wii, Ipod, phone, computer, or such that now sound so pleasant
Am I the last generation who had to do chores without complaint
Or we would get a spanking on our bottoms for not acting like a saint
We can’t say things get better as technology improves
Things like family interaction and real conversation are what we lose
We can’t say things are better now than they were fifty years ago
When divorce rates keep going up and church attendance is getting low
We can’t say things are better in discovering new ways to entertain
When in just forty years from now we will have WIFI to the brain
Am I the last generation who will know life when we tried to live
Are we a dying breed, those who instead of always taking would rather give

Some Things I Wonder

I wonder if people care about what I look like,
Because if they do I’m sure they’d say, I wonder.
I wonder if being happy involves having money,
Why do so many people hate their jobs, I wonder
I wonder why people idolize a celebrity,
That clearly has no morals, I wonder
I wonder why I thought alcohol was so great
If only under it’s influence I was okay to eat McDonalds, I wonder
I wonder why people say they want to be rich
When the suicide rate is increasing with wealth, I wonder
I wonder how little faith I must have if I can’t move a mountain
When all I would need is the size of a mustard seed, I wonder
I wonder why girls go to the bathroom together when stalls are separate
When guys go alone and the urinals are side by side, I wonder
I wonder why we invest money into saving animals
When people are suffering from homelessness, I wonder
I wonder where in the world do fruit flies come from
When I bring fruit home they aren’t there, I wonder
I wonder why some people say I love you to everybody
And others can barely muster up the words, I wonder
I wonder where the weight goes at night
When you lose it in your sleep, I wonder
I wonder if people could fathom God’s love for us
What would life be like, I wonder
I wonder why girls want to be so skinny
When guys say they like a few curves, I wonder
I wonder how people are afraid of evil
But forget all that is good, I wonder
I wonder why as technology advances
Our moral society gets worse and worse, I wonder
I wonder why people waste time counting calories
Instead of counting their blessings, I wonder
I wonder how some people can’t believe in miracles
When they can experience a sunrise, I wonder
I wonder where my mind goes when I sleep,
To conjure up the dreams I have, I wonder
I wonder why people don’t smile or say hello
When everyone longs to be talked to, I wonder
I wonder how God has patience with those that ignore him,
As we all sit waiting for a text from someone, I wonder
I wonder why we pay people so much to entertain us
When it costs us a loss of time in reality, I wonder
I wonder how people say you haven’t a choice with whom you fall in love with
When we have the choice to marry whomever we wish, I wonder
I wonder how come the best selling book on the planet, the Bible
Is only read by a small fraction of the world, I wonder
I wonder why people try to impress someone who doesn’t care,
When caring people don’t need an impression anyway, I wonder
I wonder if after people read this they think I’m crazy,
Or if maybe I’m one of the only ones who’s made time to wonder, I wonder

The Four Critters and Me

House sitting isn't your ideal job upon graduating but I don't believe doing the ideal thing is always the best thing, so I took the job. Here I am in San Diego watching two dogs and two cats and a house, the house being the easiest of the five; as long as it doesn't move I'm doing my job. The dogs and cats however have tested my patience, and it's a good thing I have it or I may have skinned the hair of their hides by now. When I say this I'm totally joking because the dogs have no hair.

Yeah the dogs are hairless. Although I'm not aware of their breed, when first meeting them I almost felt as though I was meeting one of the hyenas off of the lion king. They barked at me wildly. With each ferocious little yip I could tell they thought I was invading their space. Well they would have to get used to it because I was moving in for two months. I've never pet a dog without fur before, but if you'd like to know what it's like just roll up your pant leg and feel. No, better not. I'm assuming your legs have more hair than these dogs, seeing as it's no shave November and all. But if you haven't put lotion on for a month or two, you might be able to relate. Bare, dry skin. So needless to say it took me a while to want to pet them. I think the whole reason anyone wants to pet a dog is to feel their fur. Humans like fur because they don't have it. Most humans can't grow fur I mean, otherwise we would sit and caress our arms all day. If I wanted to pet skin I would do just that.

My stand offish attitude towards them may seem very judgmental and cold I'm aware, but what do you expect from a farm girl who thinks of dogs as labs, collies or heelers? One of the dogs could sense that I was ill content with her and approached me saying, "I feel as though you don't like me, so I can't be comfortable in my own skin." I looked at her and replied, "Honey, that's the problem, you're just skin." Right then I remembered I wasn't prejudice or racist and decided dogs could fit that category too. So I pet her. And it wasn't that bad. They wake me up every morning just before six. They must be able to tell time because they are quite consistent. They whine and jump up and down as to be sure to make their dog tags jingle so I can hear them. So I've turned into a morning person.

Since the dogs are hairless it should be no surprise that they don't want to go outside at all if it's below fifty five degrees or raining out. This causes me a problem sometimes because they won't take their "messes" beyond the doggie door. They have their own door that leads to the back yard so during the day when we are not on our walks they can go take care of business whenever the urge comes. But on those days when it's rainy, and heaven forbid they shiver, they leave their doo right in front of the doggie door, like, "Oh shoot, it's raining again, it's cold, this is as far as I go." Not cool dogs.

These dogs do have names, I almost forgot. They are both female with the names Coli, and Miska. Coli is the leader dog, when I say leader I mean that Miska cannot make a decision on her own without first consulting with Coli to see if it's okay. Coli is boss. She's also extremely nosy. Wherever I go, she is at my heels, so then Miska tags close behind. I can't be in the bathroom for more than five minutes without them scratching on the door and whining wondering if I've fallen in. Coli would follow me into a fire if I walked in, she literally has to be right beside me at all times. I wish I could find a man that loved me that much, but anyhow she's the definition of loyal. Miska on the other hand is a little bit more shy. One of my complaints of this dear dog is that she will not poop in one pile. I know this sounds picky, but when I am taking them on a walk Miska will let out one little drop after the other and leave a trail for me to pick up. It gets quite embarrassing. One time I literally had to wipe her butt like a child before I let her back in the house. Sometimes I think I'm taking care of toddlers.

Since the dogs are naked they have their own personal blankets that I have to cover them up with when we are in the house so they aren't cold. Yes, these are high maintenance doggies. But these prissy dogs do have the worst smelling farts my nose has ever witnessed. They are rumblers too. Like flat out woopie cushion style. Needless to say I have a bottle of febreeze I keep close by at all times. I've gotten pointed at and talked about several times walking two naked dogs down the street everyday, but hey, what's a dog sitter to do? The critters grow on me everyday.

Enough on the dogs. Cats? Well we have your as seen on tv, fat orange stereotypical Garfield who only thinks of one thing. Lasagna. His name is Deco. In the mornings he can barely muster up a meow because his arteries are so clogged. Some days are better than others though. He usually just hangs out on the back patio soaking up rays all day. At night when I'm eating at the table he makes sure to sit in the chair across from me and watch me eat. I guess you can say I still have a family dinner. Then we have my favorite animal of the house, a dark gray panther looking cat named Trouve. He's the cuddler. When I sit down to read at night he is usually found in my lap snoozin like a baby. He also loves to sit very near to me. He leaves the house during the day to explore the neighborhood but soon finds his way back and meows at me on the porch to let him in.

I had an actual conversation with Deco the other night. It went like this. It was night time so I had shut the door so the animals could no longer go out. I forgot to open the door to the laundry room where the kitty litter is however and Deco got very upset. I was on the couch reading when I heard him bellowing really big sorry meows in the hallway. I said, "Hey what's the matter bud?" He slowly walks out to the living room and then looks toward the hallway and meows again. I said, "You gotta go potty dude?" He then, kid you not answered like this, "Yaaaaaahhh." I seriously died laughing and went and opened the door for him. Sure enough he runs right in and does his business. These cats are smart. The dogs should take lessons.

You must be thinking I've gone crazy over here on the west coast living by myself and talking to animals all day. No. It's actually brought me back to life. Not that I wasn't living before, but I think everyone should have two months of their lives to just get away and read and write and reflect and get in touch with themselves again. In this crazy world we forget the little things. Like thanking God we can see the sunrise. Something as simple as that is worth cherishing. Tomorrow is not guaranteed for me, so I'm living each day as it is, a gift.

Ever Wondered Why Nebraska is The Good Life? Here's Why.

Well, this morning started just like every other morning on the farm. Unexpectedly exciting. I’m awoken five minutes before my alarm gets a chance to go off to the voice of my dad saying, “Megan, wake up! Jerome broke down on the interstate and needs a ride.” I look at the clock and it’s 7:00 am. My first thought was “Wow, my brother is up early if he is already on the interstate.” My second thought was, “He can wait five extra minutes while I lay here until my alarm goes off.”

So after a quick brush of teeth and a half attempt to put my hair in a ponytail, I grab some coffee and head out the door, ready to greet the sun with squinting eyes as it rises. My cell phone went off 12 miles later, my brother on the other end asking if I was almost there. He must have assumed I was flying our jet to get him but I told him no I had barely left. I arrived just outside of Cozad around 8:30 to find our old farm truck stranded on the interstate. In my moment of playing Dukes of Hazard I slowed down just enough on the interstate to whip down into the ditch and get to the other side before getting squished like a bug by oncoming traffic. It was a proud moment for me.

Another proud moment was towing my brother down the interstate going 40 mph. Yes; I am a Jill of all trades, that being a sister to Jack. I do it all. We get the pickup safe off the interstate two miles later and into a Burger King parking lot and proceed to head to Kearney. It is then that I am informed we are even going to Kearney.

Let me take a quick timeout here and say, if you are working for a bunch of men on a farm (and happen to be a girl), 90% of the time you have no idea what’s going on, you just do what you’re told. How should I compare the scenario, bottom of the totem pole perhaps? Or the bottom of the food chain works well. (Quite ironic since I do most of the food making.) Anyway, my point is, we are never told of the next step in the plan of the day. I’m assuming this is because of the simple fact that most of the time things on the farm never go according to plan anyway, as was the case today.

So we head off to Kearney to get a grill guard for our semi. Jerome was supposed to be there at 8:00 am but seeing it was now 9:00 this was not going to happen. Things in Kearney were really not that exciting. I played fetch with my brother’s dog while it took them quite some time to get the grill guard secured safely on the bed of the truck. We then went to a gas station outside of town to relieve our stomachs. Mine was growling, his was tied in a knot. So he went to the bathroom and I grabbed a muffin and some more coffee before we hit the road to head home.

We are informed about 30 minutes from home that my dad was stranded with an ill working combine in the bean field and we needed to pick him up on our way by. So we picked up dad and he sent us on a new mission down to Logan, Kansas where some of our farm ground is managed. I ran inside quick to burn a new CD while they were fueling up the pickups. It was around 12:30 pm when we left for mission two, Jerome in the straight truck and me following close behind in his pickup. There in Kansas, Cory, who is helping us farm, was putting together a part he just retrieved some three hours before from a break down that happened just a day ago. Jerome and I, let’s be honest here, Jerome helped Cory get the drill ready while again I played with the dogs like a good clueless farm girl should do.

After they had everything fixed up and running again I helped move farm equipment to a different field before we proceeded to head back to the good life. I was elected to drive on the way home. I looked at Jerome’s sleepy eyes and agreed it was probably best I should be behind the wheel. Quite conveniently for him I had just burned a CD that would be great to fall asleep to, but unlucky for me I had to keep my eyes open as Dallas Green sang us both lullabies driving home on the much deserted Kansas highway. I think I passed more dead raccoons on the road than I did motorized vehicles, which I found strange because in order for those raccoons to die I assumed a motorized vehicle would have to end its life. Either way it is definitely raccoon crossing season.

After an entire day of driving around the country, failing to fix farm equipment faster than it can break down, we finally arrive home around 4:00 pm from what seemed to be a pointless day at a fake attempt to count the yellow lines between the never ending white ones, my brother reaches for the rest of my blueberry muffin on the dash of the truck and makes an effort to put it in his mouth to only then watch as it crumbles down his shirt just millimeters from the desired target. With a long sigh he slowly shoves the three crumbs left between his finger and thumb, smaller than even the tastiest dip of chew, in his mouth and looks at me and says, “Seems like this is how the whole day has went. We get so close, but then everything falls apart.”

It was then I remembered that he told me he held in a number two, if you will, all morning while stranded on the side of the road. When we stopped at the gas station later and he was finally able to relieve himself I never asked him how that all turned out. I expect he wasn’t speaking of that when he said ‘so close but then everything falls apart.’ For his sake I hope that was the one thing in his day that came out smoothly.

Victimized Society

Okay. I'm writing on something serious today so if you are down to turn on your brains and think, please read on, otherwise continue clicking on other people's facebook pages while consuming as much useless information about how their weekend went as possible. Or I suppose you can always change your profile picture. People might be bored with you from that angle after three days.

Tonight I'm writing on a thought I've been turning around in my head ever since I walked out of church this morning. The sermon was on forgiveness. Oh how hard it is to forgive isn't it? Especially to those whom we love. How can we forgive somebody for hurting us so badly, and why should we? Well I'll tell you why. Because the dude upstairs does. I'm not talking about the guy above you in your apartment complex. I'm speaking of the one and only Gee Oh Dee. Yep, God. He forgives us before we even hurt him. And we continue to hurt him every single day. Now before you stop reading because you think this is getting too religious for you, (because Lord knows I'm not religious), think about it like this. You have this friend, whom you love very much, so much in fact that you would do anything for them. You have what you think is a good relationship with them but then you notice they start to pull away after while. You watch as they struggle through life and wish you could help them but whatever you have to say is ignored. You still get along okay but conversations become shorter and shorter and before long you are barely spoken to. Almost completely ignored. But then your friend hits rock bottom and suddenly they need someone to turn to...YOU. Would you help them? That same situation happens to God every...single...day.

It happens ALL the time. Except we are the one's doing the ignoring, and not taking his advice. And still after days, weeks, months, and years of ignoring his presence we have the balls to turn to him in a time of need. NEED. Gosh we are some arrogant creatures, we humans, aren't we? We know it all until something doesn't go right. Then when things are bad we find things to blame it on. "Oh, well it's not my fault I'm this way, If blah blah blah hadn't happened in my life then I would be different." or "If she/he wasn't this way then I wouldn't act this way." or "This happened, so this is the way I am now." It's never our fault. We can't even take an ounce of blame. Look how victimized we have made ourselves. We have to go around telling everybody why we are the way we are and even justifying it continually in our own minds. Well, you are the way you are because you weren't strong enough to stand up when life took the rug out from under your feet.

Before you think I'm a total B-word, do know that yes I am human believe it or not, and have spent my share of time wallowing around on the ground thinking I had a big owie that couldn't be fixed. And from time to time I find myself face down in the dirt. But I try not to spend too much time down there because I start to find it quite ridiculous how everyone around me has the same owies and as we begin to compare I realize mine isn't as unique and terrible as I thought. So I stand. And in standing I find it quite rewarding knowing all it took was a change of thought. So look around you, whatever struggles you are facing, you aren't alone. Stop playing the "I'm the victim" game with everybody, because there is only one victim. It's Jesus. Look up a picture of him hanging on the cross and tell me that he's not a victim. That leaves you and I as only one thing, the perpetrator. We are the reason he hangs there, and we are the reason you and I lay on the ground thinking life is miserable. If he intended for your life to be miserable he wouldn't have allowed himself to die for you in misery.

Crazy thing about life is that it's up to you how to live it. And hell, I'm no preacher or religious self righteous figure trying to tell the world how horrible they are. I'm just your average, every day chic who's had her share of ups and downs. And I write this knowing that I too need to take my own advice. But I also write this knowing that in standing you sure as hell can see things a lot clearer than you can from the ground's perspective. Ashes to ashes we all fall down, but who wants to stand up and get over it? It's about that time.

The Things We Get Used To

Oh the things we get used to
The things that become part of our day
The things that we think will never go away
We get used to alarms, and cows mooing on farms
We get used to using our legs and using our arms
We get used to seeing ourselves every day in the mirror
And using our nose to smell and our ears to hear
We get used to giving people hugs and kisses
And looking up at the stars and making wishes
We get used to going to class or going to work
We get used to hearing a laugh or seeing a smirk
We get used to driving with the windows rolled down
And sometimes, sadly, we get used to seeing a frown
Oh the things we get used to
We get used to telling someone they are wrong or right
And we get used to living for Friday night
We get used to always having someone around
Or we get used to being alone and not hearing a sound
We get used to loving with all our heart
And yes, we even get used to thinking we're smart
We get used to listening to our favorite tunes
And the funny people who act like baboons
We get used to having our room a mess
And wanting more when we really need less
Oh the things we get used to
Well maybe we shouldn't get used to things at all
Because one day we could run into a wall
And the things we were used to are no longer there
Like our house, our friends, or even our hair
Yes sometimes things happen that require a change
And then things start to feel so strange
We feel out of place, sad, angry and lost
The sun was just shining, but then came a cold frost
We get used to things that are really a gift
Then one day our life just takes a shift
So look around you friend and see things as they are
A shoe is a shoe and a car is a car
See, one day you could have to walk with bare feet
And you may have no car to drive down the street
Oh the things we get used to
So tell mama you love her and give papa a pat on the back
And as for your brothers and sisters, cut them some slack
Give an old friend a call, and take your dog for a walk
And even if that friend is chatty, just listen to them talk
You see, life is good and so are the things around
And maybe what we are looking for we've already found
Yes, I'm speaking of the things we get used to

Airports-12 Megan-0

This is your captain speaking. Welcome to my blog and thanks for reading. Make sure your seat belts are securely fastened and follow along as I take you from sentence to sentence of my most overwhelming day at an airport, or several airports rather. You shall arrive at your destination in about eight minutes, give or take turbulence; we’ll call it reading skills. For safety purposes please keep your seat backs and tray tables locked in the upright position. In case of emergency, I do not provide oxygen masks so if you laugh excessively from reading this I guess you are screwed.

Now, let’s embark on a journey. I’ve already mentioned it took place at an airport so let’s cut to the chase and skip the three and a half hour drive there, because that just involves heavy eyes, a cup of coffee and poor driving. So there I was at Omaha’s airport and honestly I should have known the moment security had to take my bag aside to remove my illegal six-ounce deadly bottle of face wash and proceed to throw it in the trash can right in front of my face, that maybe my day was not going to go according to plan. But I shook it off, sincerely told the lady to have a nice day and proceeded to my gate where I sat down and pulled out the book I’m reading on how to be successful. This book makes me feel good whenever I think about the fact that I just spent five years getting a degree and can’t find a job. Anyway, about two minutes later I ended up on facebook updating my status because I’m sure everyone was just dying to know what I was doing at noon on a Tuesday (We tell ourselves that at least).

So an hour later I boarded the plane and found my seat, buckled my seat belt and pulled out my feel good book and began reading when thirty eight seconds later a woman asked me if I would trade seats with her so she could sit by her little boy. Not a problem. I was ecstatic to have an aisle seat because for a tall girl that means legroom. I’m feeling pretty good about the switch when I look to my right and across the aisle I see a very small woman, (by small I don’t mean short but arms of toothpicks), couldn’t have been too much older than myself, with what looked to be a little one year old cheerio eater. Ah he was a cute one with a head full of hair and dimpled cheeks as he so awkwardly shoved the cheerios in his mouth and crunched away as babies do. I thought nothing of it really. It’s not like I had never seen a baby on an airplane before.

Some fifteen minutes later the captain gets on the loud speaker to announce there are some problems with the plane and they need to do some repairing before taking off. Well this didn’t surprise me because I have spent two hours sitting on a runway before so how bad could it be? I continue reading and begin to notice that cheerio boy is starting to get a bit fussy to my right. His mother, who could have probably hula hooped the cheerios he was eating stood up and began to walk around the cabin with him to try and calm him down. An hour later we are ready for take off. The woman who has successfully walked the boy to sleep begins to sit down when suddenly cheerio boy wakes up and begins to make noises that made me wish I had volume control on my ears. This boy was beginning to throw a tantrum. At first I went on reading my book like nothing was happening but with peripheral vision and a good set of ears I couldn’t help but become fidgety myself listening to the tornado siren next to me. I watched as the woman fought and struggled with the cheerio boy as he screamed and grunted and threw his head back on her chest as though he was suffering the worst of a seizure. This battle, that needed to be resolved with a nap, went on for about fifteen or twenty minutes. My right ear felt as though I had fired several shots from a rifle and cheerio boy and his mom were becoming awfully sweaty.

Finally a lady behind me stood up and said, “Honey let me take him for a bit and give you a break.” Without hesitation, toothpick mom hands her child over to the stranger and guzzles down a bottle of water with tears in her eyes. Cheerio boy’s screams only became worse and this went on for another ten minutes before the stranger gave up and gave the boy back. As soon as toothpick mom had her son back in her arms again he immediately became silent. Note to all mothers with babies: If your child is throwing a tantrum that you can’t seem to resolve hand him to a stranger and then he will have something to cry about. This way when the stranger hands him back, the child will be so glad to be back in your arms silence will overcome his sweaty cheerio eating body.

So I finally land in Chicago where my next flight would take off in a little over an hour. Only one problem, my next flight wasn’t going to be taking off at all because it was canceled. So I run to the customer service line to ask them to help me find a new flight but so did the other thirty people in front of me. I’m not really a fan of standing in lines. But thirty minutes later I made it to the front desk. And so I told the man my situation and he replies back to me, “So what?” I’m thinking to myself as I look at the extremely overweight man going bald behind the counter, “You must really hate your life if you are working for customer service and you reply with ‘so what’ when someone tells you their flight is canceled.” I knew I had two choices at this moment. I could get mad or get friendly. Getting annoyed, as I sometimes do, is quite a turnoff to people and in my experience has not got me anywhere. So I got friendly of course. This strategy backfired on me however because in my attempt to kill him with kindness I ended up getting to hear that he had a son who was my age that played baseball and could throw a 93 mph fast ball. He was telling me how he was going to make it to the pros and blah blah blah when the lady beside him said, “Dude she don’t care about that, she just wants to get on a plane! Help the poor girl out.” Then she proceeds to tell me that she also has a son that’s my age who is playing college football and trying to get into the NFL. So I leave the customer service desk with two possible prospects for husbands and no plane ticket. The best they could do was put me on standby.

In the mean time my aunt and uncle had called the United Airlines to try and work their magic. They had success. I was re booked to Milwaukee. Only one problem, the plane was leaving in about forty minutes and I still had to get to my gate that happened to be clear across the airport and then print off my new ticket. It was a zoo. As I weaved in and out of zebras, monkeys and elephants I began to panic. I finally reached my gate but surprise surprise there was a line to the help desk. I looked at the screen and it read, Milwaukee boarding in ten minutes. I made it to the front of the line just as everyone started boarding. I grabbed my ticket ran on the plane, or in this case a puddle jumper, and prepared myself for a twenty-five minute flight to Milwaukee.

After I arrived to Milwaukee I went to the first desk I could find and asked them to print me off a ticket to DC. The lady looked up my flight information and told me that I was switched from United to Frontier and needed to go talk to Frontier for a ticket. This meant that I had to go all the way back to the entrance where check-ins were to get a new ticket. How convenient this was, and when I say this I’m totally kidding. Because now my next flight was going to be leaving in an hour and I had to go back, re-check in and go through security for a second time before then proceeding to find my gate. Life is good. Let me just say again, from my experiences people at airports really act like they hate their jobs. Miss Frontier lady was very unfriendly. But after many exchanged dirty looks I received my new ticket and jetted up to security where I was greeted by a man who checked my license and told me he liked me better with my hair down. Gee thanks. I like myself better when I’m not stressed about airports sir, but your compliment or your attempt to give me a compliment just might help me make it through the day.

I finally get to my gate to then find out that my flight was delayed an hour and a half. I love flying. This was where I really wanted to hit up a bar in the airport and blow thirty dollars getting drunk, or go find the nearest McDonald's and comfort myself with a burger, fries and large Dr. Pepper. Instead I went and bought a salad and orange juice and sat down by the window, turned on my iTunes and watched the sunset, telling myself airports are all out of my control.

And two hours later I was finally on my way to DC. The crew on the plane felt bad for us so they came by and brought us cookies and milk and let us watch cable for free. This was almost worth it. Warm chocolate chip cookies compare to nothing else in this world. So I watched an episode of Intervention and Hoarders and thought again to myself, yes life is good. I landed in DC at 12:30, a little over 12 hours after arriving in Omaha. My uncle picked me up and we drove back to his house where I proceeded to crash into bed around 1:30am.

The next morning a boy in a red and yellow space suite with goggles greeted me at my bedside. “It’s time to wake up,” he said. “What are you wearing?”, I asked my soon to be eight year old cousin. “I’m a jet pack flier”, he claimed, “And I’ve flown here to wake you up for breakfast.”

Let's Forgive but I Won't Forget

You forgive me for missing you
And I'll forgive you for being cold

You forgive me for being too nice
And I'll forgive you for taking advantage of it

You forgive me for trying to raise you up
And I'll forgive you for bringing me down

You forgive me for wanting to tell you everything
And I'll forgive you for trying to hide everything

You forgive me for being honest with you
And I'll forgive you for thinking I'm judging you

You forgive me for just wanting to talk
And I'll forgive you for avoiding me

You forgive me for sharing my life story
And I'll forgive you for forgetting it

You forgive me for lending you my hand
And I'll forgive you for taking my feet

You forgive me for trying to make rules
And I'll forgive you for breaking them

You forgive me for playing your games
And I'll forgive you for being manipulative

You forgive me for caring about you
And I'll forgive you for not caring about it

You forgive me for trying to perfect you
And I'll forgive you for thinking I'm too perfect

You forgive me for trying to teach you to fly
And I'll forgive you for clipping my wings

You forgive me for just wanting an apology
And I'll forgive you for not making it sincere

You forgive me for only wanting a friend
And I'll forgive you for not knowing how

The Athlete

As a retired college athlete I have been trying to somehow find a new identity, one that not only portrays who I am but will allow me to be happy. This is a challenge, as several before me can probably attest to. The problem lies in front of every individual, where do I turn to now? Before this, we had a routine about our lives. We would train and train some more, compete and then compete some more. This went on for years and years of our lives and became a part of us inside and out. So naturally the body and the mind need something to fill that void. The mental toughness we used to endure the pain, the ability to take out our anger and our fears in the very practice fields where we spent the majority of our years have not an exact place in our lives at this time. So instead of taking those things up with a ball and hoop and a little aggression we turn to other things in a state of confusion.

Many of us will turn to the bottle to wash away the day’s worries, others will open the fridge in hopes of finding a food that can clear up any concerns we have about life, others will strive to possess the best of everything by making success and riches their new number one goal. And still others will just roam aimlessly, trying one new thing after the next until they have finally found their new niche in life after no longer being known as an athlete. Well I have decided one thing is for sure in my life. I’m turning to something different. I will always be an athlete, but not in the same sense. You see I have struggled immensely in my faith the last several years in college. I would be so sure I was on the right track and then God would throw in a loophole that would put me in a spiritual bind. I gave up at times and turned to things I shouldn’t have for comfort. I tried and tried my best but the temptations of life always pulled me under, and the tragedies I had to persevere were wearing on my heart and soul. But after every downhill slope there is a climb, and the last few months I have been climbing this mountain God has placed in front of me. I have no idea what is in store for me as I slowly propel myself higher but am excited for what is to come. For so long I stood in the valley and stared up at the mountain thinking I would never even attempt to set foot on it so instead I went about my own ways. But I was starving spiritually and very “out of shape” athletically speaking.

I finally realized I am an athlete at heart and God is training me for the biggest event of my life. Eternity. He has been training me all my life and just as I suffered injuries in basketball I must suffer the difficulties of life as well. After every injury there is a state of rehabilitation and if not done properly, what ever was broken, bruised or strained, will not heal correctly. Well, I know I have some broken pieces about my heart and soul and maybe they will never fully recover to as good as new, but I no longer want to just sit on the sidelines and let the game of life pass before my eyes. I am an athlete and want to compete. God is my coach and I am ready to listen. Although I may not agree with all his coaching tactics and his training techniques I must trust in him that he is preparing me to compete and to achieve the ultimate goal we all strive for, greater than any championship ring or trophy; the ability to say we were a Winner in his eyes as he greets us at the gates of Heaven. There are some who, in this game, will naturally succeed and not struggle as much as others, or will not have to work quite as hard in their training. I know I am not one of those. I am one of the chosen that is to be tested repeatedly, to gain full preparation of what is to come. I accept this task God has given me, and know that he trusts me with the game ball in my hands to do the right thing even when it seems the score in life is in favor of the other side.

The Cave

This song is originally done by Mumford and Sons, which is probably the better version but I think this cover is pretty sweet.

Lyrics to The Cave :
It's empty in the valley of your heart
The sun, it rises slowly as you walk
Away from all the fears
And all the faults you've left behind

The harvest left no food for you to eat
You cannibal, you meat-eater, you see
But I have seen the same
I know the shame in your defeat

But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

Cause I have other things to fill my time
You take what is yours and I'll take mine
Now let me at the truth
Which will refresh my broken mind

So tie me to a post and block my ears
I can see widows and orphans through my tears
I know my call despite my faults
And despite my growing fears

But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

So come out of your cave walking on your hands
And see the world hanging upside down
You can understand dependence
When you know the maker's hand

So make your siren's call
And sing all you want
I will not hear what you have to say

Cause I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it's meant to be

And I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck

And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again

Teeter-Totter

I have compared life to many things and taken a look at it from all different angles but this analogy leads me to the image of a teeter-totter. Here we are thinking we are always at the bottom you know? Our butt is on the ground and we look up seeing that person above us on the other side. There they are, all smiles like they are practically flying in that blue-sky background. We want what they have so we push off thinking maybe we can achieve something great. But what we don’t realize about teeter-totters is that they go up and down not just up and up. So no matter what we always end up on the ground at some point only wanting more. This leaves us feeling so upset and unsatisfied. Then we start thinking that the chair on the other side is looking very appealing so we make the trek over to try out life on the other side of the teeter-totter. But no matter how hard we try we still end up staring at the sky wondering how we are ever going to stay off the ground. I have an idea. Go to the center of the teeter-totter and put one foot on one side and one foot on the other. You will see both sides above ground at once. This is called balance.

She is Every Woman

She longs for a time, that exact moment when she knew the world was different. She understood only that her world was changing but she never knew how changed it would make her. She desires to go back. Go back to when it was all so simple. Before that moment she knew nothing but living. She dressed in the mornings and ran out to the day waiting to greet her. Rainy days couldn’t make her sad because it was only rain. When she was by herself she was not lonely but free to think and just be. When she was outside in the presence of the sun she took advantage of every ray that fell upon her face. She loved. Loved everything in sight and all the people around her, and they loved her back. Nobody depended on her and nobody judged her. Nobody expected anything great from her; she felt no pressure. She was a child.

Now she is grown and longs for at least one day to be innocent and free. She never meant to get rid of that innocent freedom she possessed. Who took it from her? She was only a girl, just trying to soak up the world around her and enjoy life, but instead the world took advantage of her eagerness to live. They took a piece of her away with every bit of knowledge she consumed. They chipped away at her soul, leaving her feeling a sort of emptiness that she thought only the world could return to her. How did it happen? She only wanted to grow up and experience the world and take advantage of all it had to offer, but now she realizes the world was in fact the only thing that wouldn’t allow her to gain any experience at all. They lied to her telling her she would become mature and smart and pretty and well liked by all. She started depending on the world to feel good instead of just living in it, thriving on every detail thrown her way. She did so much in fact that she is more helpless now than the child she was before. As a child her eyes were open to possibilities and now they are open to knowledge and experience she thinks she could have done without. Now she depends on the people around her to acquire that happiness that used to come so easy to her. People depend on her now as well so she puts others lives in front of her own, leaving her wondering what it was she wanted to be when she grew up. And she’s grown up. This isn’t what she chose is it? Who is she? She is every woman out there right now recapping her life up until this point wanting to move forward but not sure in which direction to take a step. She is every woman out there who feels there is that tiny bit of innocent freedom left that she clings onto so tightly hoping she has a chance. She is every woman with an old dream. She is every woman looking for a change. She is every woman.