This Will Be My Last Facebook Post

What seemed to have started out as a great idea Mr. Zuckerberg, I'll give you that, has ten years later just become another example of how human beings can become less human and more machine. I am certain there is no machine in the world today, not even Siri, that is able to experience what it feels like to be loved, which is a bit ironic isn't it? If machines cannot feel love, why is it that we give up our humanness, our essential ability to communicate soul to soul if you will, to become more "machine like" in search of acceptance and love? Too extreme, you're thinking. Here's something else that may be going to extremes, I'm deleting my Facebook.

Bold move. That's what people say when you tell them you're deleting your Facebook account. 50 years ago it would have been considered a bold move to paint a sign in your front lawn that reads any of the following, "I'm getting a divorce, call me if you care and I'll tell you why.", "My kids drive me crazy, I have a migraine. Help.", "Haters keep hating and I'll do me.", "I can't sleep, someone want to watch a movie?" "Lyndon B. Johnson is a dumbass.", "My neighbor is having an affair, what a jerk.", "I need ideas for supper tonight.", "My dog just pooped behind the couch.". Even today, if we drove by someone's house and saw any of the above sentences written on a huge sign in someone's front lawn would we not be a bit thrown off? Now, let's log onto Facebook and see those sentences in a status. Oh that? That's normal.

Facebook gives us the okay to express our innermost feelings and desires without blinking an eye and yet if we suddenly bumped into over half the people who "liked" or even read our status amid the checkout isle in Walmart, would we be so willing to speak the same things to them aloud, in person? I mean come on. How many times do you run into someone and say, "I saw on Facebook that you [Fill in the blank]". We can tell a person what he or she ate for dinner last night, comment on the wedding they attended last weekend, compliment on how great it was that they volunteered at the YMCA, ask them if their puppy has chewed up more of their underwear, and tell them that yes, you too, "love fresh tomatoes but hate when they're cooked, it must be a texture thing", all without this person actually telling us any of those things. Facebook, I just realized in this exact moment, is pretty much like being naked all the time. And my, do we flaunt our privates for the world to see!

We are like Adam and Eve all over again, blind to our nakedness, except the forbidden fruit we bit into is social media and we didn't bite it, we plugged into it; help us all for we are electrifyingly hooked. Plugging in is what made us naked, we were just fine before. The sly devil this time was no snake, but technology himself as he whispered the words in our ears "You need me", "You cannot advance without me", "You will feel more", "You will accomplish more", "People will notice you more", "Oh yes dear, your life will be better with the newest and best of everything, and darling, you can even tweet about it". He got me that's for sure. I bit in, plugged in, soaked in, rolled in, laid in and devoured it all. And still, I have not felt like my life is advancing that much more by letting the world know about it. So, I'm unplugging if you will. Quitting cold turkey. Is there a patch for that?

Funny how this can even be a topic of discussion right? I mean it's not like I'm an alcoholic that is finally putting down the bottle or a smoker who has decided it's not healthy to make my lungs turn black.  I'm a Facebook user. (Slowly walk to the podium, shoulders drooped, raise the microphone, clear my throat, "Ahem")

"Hi everyone, my name's Megan, and I'm a Facebook user"

 (Readers, "Hi Megan.")

"I've been using Facebook since 2006, the spring of my senior year in high school. At first I just uploaded really dumb pictures of me and my friends doing a whole lot of nothing. I made albums in college of what it was like to be a freshman, you know hanging out in a dorm room. I wrote on people's walls whom I wanted to like me. I uploaded pictures of me in a hotdog eating contest once, that was cool. I ate seven. Then sophomore year I changed my profile picture at least once a week. Had to give people a different look you know? That's when I should have realized I had a problem. But as an upperclassmen I lost my senses and uploaded pictures of me at parties because although my life was far from perfect, I wanted everyone to think I was having a great time. Some of those pictures deserve a good head shake now. But hey, I had to get some "likes" in my life, there were several things that were just unlikeable.

During this time I also let the Facebook world know I considered myself funny by posting random videos of myself being completely goofy and statuses that made even the Grinch grin. I don't know that the Grinch read my statuses but I assume he did because I assume everyone was just waiting around for me to post something. Weren't you? Then I moved away to the west coast. I let everyone know it was sunny there and that my life was pretty great. It was pretty great, really. These days I share a lot of music, because I want people to know I listen to good music, and quotes, I love quotes so you should too. I upload pictures of my family a lot, mostly because family and a few close friends are all I have besides Facebook. I want people to see that despite going through family struggles we can all line up together and take a pretty good picture.

 But what I do more than anything nowadays, is scroll. Scrolling seems to have what really made me realize Facebook is a problem. It's not a consistent scroll but I have found myself clicking on the Facebook application in the oddest of times just to "scroll". Damn the urge to scroll. You know like, at a stop light, in a restaurant, during a movie, watching a basketball game, on the toilet, laying in bed, while reading a book, bored at work, walking my dog, babysitting, eating dinner, talking to someone sitting next to me, riding on a bus, sitting at an airport, on a horse, etc. When I sat down and thought about it, those all seemed like perfectly good times to focus on being in the moment. When I'm watching a movie, should I not be paying attention? When someone is talking to me, should I not be listening? When I'm on a horse, heaven forbid, should I not be riding it? (I've only done the last one a couple times but it was still worth mentioning, wouldn't want you to think I can't even ride a horse without Facebook or anything). It was the videos too. The availability of video after video popping up on my newsfeed, it was all too available. Amazing videos, musical videos, funny videos, stupid videos of stupid people doing stupid things. "Why did I just watch that?" And so many interesting articles about what kind of personality I had, what celebrity was like me, if I really was an introvert, foods that I should be eating, things I wouldn't believe, you know that sort of useless information that can't be found in books. It had me. I told myself I didn't click too much, but so does the alcoholic tell themselves it's just one drink.

I'm not married or engaged, I don't have any children of my own, but I do have a dog and two plants I guess. Facebook has seen much of my dog lately. It will be a hard day, if the day comes that I get engaged and can't post it to Facebook so people I haven't talked to in ten years will know I'm getting married. How will those people find out? It will be hard to not upload a "baby" album of my future child, if I have one. Instead I will make a baby book, and a picture album that has pages my fingers can tangibly turn. This will be hard. Who will I show the pictures to? Who will see how wonderful my baby is? I hope everyone will get along okay without seeing these important events in my life. I wonder how people will know if I move? Oh yeah, I'll call or write a letter. This will be tough to get used to, not letting everyone know what I'm doing...(sigh)...thanks for listening.
 
(Reader, "Thanks Megan.")

Last night at 3am my Facebook account was hacked and someone successfully even changed my Facebook password. The hacking was done to promote Ray Ban Sunglasses and the hacker tagged 80 of my friends in the Ray Ban album I didn't create. I was silly to think there was actually a privacy setting on Facebook. I was silly to think anything about Facebook was private at all. It's all just another scheme to keep us distracted from something bigger while pushing consumerism down our throats. I will not be consuming any more Facebook, and I will not be buying any Ray Bans. Thank you. If you need to reach me feel free to contact me in person.

I'll find acceptance and love out there don't worry. Maybe I'll write a stand up about Facebook (wait, didn't I just do that?), or maybe by writing a book about life. Facebook has never paid me for my thoughts anyway. The machine in me is dying, but the creator in me lives on. Oh, hello there soul. Let's read a book.

Bye friends. See you in the real world.

Unplug.

Potential Can "Potentially" Be Thrown Out of Our Vocab

Potential. What is potential? The dictionary states, "having or showing the capacity to become or develop into something in the future" Personally, I believe this word should not be used when referring to people's abilities. Why? Labeling someone with potential does not make them any more likely to do anything than someone standing next to them "without potential". Action outweighs potential every single time. Too straightforward? Look at it like this.

There is a nest of eggs, sitting high in a tree. I can stare at those eggs and say, "Wow, that egg has the potential to fly one day." It's a duh moment isn't it? But, what are the chances of every single egg actually hatching, every bird inside that egg actually living, and then growing up strong enough to actually take that first terrifying leap into the air without falling? Potential does not make an egg fly, it is the process that proceeds the flight that makes it happen. If potential made an egg fly, the egg would literally grow wings the day it was hatched and fly away without hatching because it would not have to  become a strong and healthy bird to fly. Because of our potential, often times we never grasp the concept that we actually have to work to fulfill it.

Potential, in a way, gives people the idea that they are entitled, when labeled with it too often. What makes you any more deserving of something because you have great potential? I love writing. I have the potential to write a book. Have I written one? No. So where does potentiality get me in life? Complacent, comfortable, and willing to use excuses as to why I have not "lived up to my potential". I read about young authors who are writing books and say to myself, "I can do that", but until I sit at my laptop every night, until I manage my time wisely, until I go the extra mile to do what I know I can do, I will not write a book.

This goes for anything in life. If you want something bad enough, you do not need potential to achieve it. You need passion. Without passion, without a craving, without the determination to overcome any obstacle, potential will keep you right where you are. We've all heard of going the extra mile to achieve something. It is in that extra mile where potential exists, at the end of the race, in your final moments on the back stretch, when you kick it in and finish. That is where we find potential. Not in the starting blocks. If you want to amount to something great, you must be willing to suffer, feel uncomfortable, struggle, lose sleep, cry, take criticism, be told you can't, and fail. Otherwise, stay comfortable in your potential.

Understand, you have to make people think you are little crazy in order to do something great. If you aren't crazy, you're just normal. And normal is too satisfactory for greatness.

I'm tired of potential, and I would like to trade it in for action. Who's with me?

2014 - It's Not Your Year

Happy New Year to all who read this, and welcome to the year 2014. Another year has come and gone, faster than the last, and here we are again being tested already with our new year resolutions. It's been over a week now, and many of us have given up on that idea of going to the gym, especially after this cold weather, right? Who needs the gym when you have a couch and a warm blanket? If you are like me you come up with so many new ideas for the new year, the challenges seem a little overwhelming. I like a good challenge, but to admit to myself that I've failed yet again is no self esteem booster by any means. So my roommate says to me, "Well, just don't set any resolutions! Then you can't fail. Let's be honest, you say you are going to do a lot of things you never really do." Ouch, that was a stinger, but I thanked her for her honesty.

I chewed on that thought a bit, but to not set a goal just didn't seem right. In my mind it is better to set goals and not achieve them, then to not have any goals at all. But again, what is the point of having a goal for myself, when I give in too easy? Oh, the struggle. This last summer I wrote myself a letter titled, "Self-Improvement Letter". It read "Megan, In order for you to be a successful person who enjoys life and finds happiness in all you do, you must do these things every day." I listed 8 bullet points. Seemed simple enough. Well, I recently read over this letter, realizing I have not followed through with my promises to myself. And again, it seems all I have are good intentions. I once read in a book by my favorite author, Matthew Kelly, "If you want to measure the amount of happiness in your life, you must first measure the amount of discipline in your life. You cannot have one without the other." And here I am admitting I am not as disciplined as my intentions scream I am. My body rules my soul a good 75% of the time. Fail, fail, fail. 

Am I too hard on myself? Probably. But as I read over the list of things that I believe will make me happy I realized that all but one of them are things that I physically and mentally should do FOR MYSELF. These tasks, whether they were reading a chapter of a book, reflecting and praying, or going to the gym, were for MY OWN self improvement and for MY OWN knowledge. Then there was the one bullet point that read "Go out of your way to do something nice for someone, every single day." This had nothing to do with me, and yet, this bullet point held all the power and happiness in the world. To give selflessly of our time, our talents, and our treasures is where true happiness can be found. Sure it makes us feel good when we lose a few pounds, but why? Is it because our bodies actually feel better, or because we just expect a compliment in return for our hard work?

I will be blunt and say it...we live in one of the most narcissistic times the world has ever seen. It has become a natural habit to put ourselves before others. Society screams individuality, independence, go out and get what is yours, do this for you, etc. Yet there are so many unhappy people "chasing their dreams". Why? We are too caught up. Too caught up in what we can do for ourselves. When has it ever been about us? What verse in the bible says, "In all you do, think of only how you will benefit, and how you can look good."? It seems all we do in life is try to impress others, to find the end result in making ourselves feel good. What presidents, public figures, and saints do we love reading about and referring to most? The ones that put other people first. The ones that sacrificed some of their own time for someone else's. 10 years from now, no one will remember you for losing 20 pounds, for having the most money, for the car you drove, for the awards you received, for the places you've visited, and the for the books you've read. People remember what you do for them. People remember kindness, compassion, and empathy. In the end, nothing else really matters, literally.

So if you have failed yourself already this year, it's okay. Let this year be about what you can do for others, what you can achieve by helping a friend, or even a stranger. Trust me when I say this, the more you are doing something for someone else, the more motivated you become in improving yourself. So the only addition I would make to Matthew Kelly's quote is this, "If you want to measure the amount of happiness in your life, first you must measure the amount of discipline, and second, you must measure the amount of time you are giving to those around you." Let 2014 be someone else's year. Who's year are you going to change?  

If You Take Away Books: Just Read

In a world where we are using our thumbs for texting instead of turning pages, in a world where people would rather play angry birds on their iPad instead of get lost in a love story, in a world that no longer craves to open that first page and inhale the fresh "new book" scent as they so carefully put the first crease in the binding, some things have been lost. Imagination. Wonder. Timelessness.  

Books expand my imagination, which then formulate my own words on to paper, which in turn forces myself and others to think, which then result in growth and improvement. So if you take away books you take away the very part of my soul that strives for perfection. If you take away books, you will force me to settle for mediocrity. If you take away books you take away my sense of wonder. My need to find out more knowledge, more ideas, more viewpoints. And in turn, the more I find out, the more I realize how much I really don't know. But there is irony here because when I stop reading, when I stop searching, when I stop yearning, when I stop imagining, my soul dries up and only the mind takes over.  This is never good. Because the less I know, the more my mind thinks it knows. Then conversations become mundane and the simplest problem can expand into the most prevalent argument. Drama and kaos take over, time runs out too quickly, and I lay my head down on my pillow at night wondering if the conversations I took part in that day really improved my well being. No. Because I let my books get dusty, which caused my brain to soak up useless information instead, those found on flat boxes with talking heads, or robots with an iPhone addiction, or the latest scoop on celebrity gossip. When you take away books, you take away much more than paper filled with words. You take away our ability to converse, our ability to think, our willingness to improve, and you cause us to settle.

If you take away books, you have a world full of narcissists, walking around with phones enmeshed in their hands, and other people's ideas enmeshed in their brains. If you take away books you have a world full of people too busy to talk about anything deeper than surface level; if you don't have time to read, you definitely don't have time for "good conversation". If you take away books, you take away imaginations, people's ability to sit and day dream, to conjure up a story plot, a new goal in life, a good deed to perform. If you take away books, we will settle. I know we will settle. Because without books in this society, people will never know the stories of those before us. Those people who knew that pure timelessness will get you further in life than cramming your schedule with "things to do", which in the end are useless acts that somehow take priority to things that are important.

Consider yourself a seed, and your environment the soil. Without books raining down on you, shining upon you, causing you to sink your roots deep into the soil, all you will be is a seed, and all you will consider yourself is a seed, and you will only associate yourself with other seeds. And the life of a seed is all you will know. Your ability to grow will never be realized. You have the potential to flower, to branch, to shade others, if only you take the time to expand the mind. Sometimes the best education we can receive is the one we give to ourselves. Read, reflect, and soak up the world in a way that seems to be going extinct. Just read.

2013, Year of Cupid's Arrow

There comes a certain point in everyone's life when they look down at their glass of water, then stop mid drink, take a look around them, and have an epiphany, "There's something in this drinking water." I had this realization at about 7:52am this morning while standing at the sink in my pajamas. I spit out my water and quickly switched to coffee with this daunting thought in mind, "Kearney water, or maybe just Nebraska water, makes everyone fall in love and get engaged." Then, I looked at my City of Kearney bill sitting on the table, realizing the due date is drawing near, and see it yelling back at me, "You owe $72 dollars!" How dare you Kearney, make me drink your water and then charge me to potentially get engaged.

Okay so maybe that theory is a bit far fetched? But it's obvious that 2013 is the year of engagement and even weddings for that matter, or at least it is on Facebook terms. Beautiful rings and smiles, cupid hearts, flowers, skittle rainbows, bubbly wine glasses, unicorns, life events revealed on Facebook statuses, butterfly tummies, chocolate strawberries, high pitched giggles, sparkles and glitter, (I'm getting carried away aren't I?) Well, to say the least, people are in love around here. I just witnessed Bernard the squirrel pull out a ring while gracefully dancing among the branches outside my window this morning. Pretty cool seeing a squirrel get on his knee. He told Esther he would give her all the acorns in the world. What female squirrel could pass up that offer? Naturally she said yes.

Now I realize this story is written by a woman who has not been in a relationship since the school musical in high school, (even then, it was still just acting), so one may think this view is rather biased and all this sarcasm is just a way to disguise bitterness at the core. Well, good assumption naturally, but no. I just like to write stories. And this story has been waiting to be told. There is just so much love and romance in the air, so I had to address it. Now that I think about it, maybe there's a conspiracy theory the government is scheming. Could it be? Could all of you lovers really be secret agents in some sort of Engagement Conspiracy. You tricksters. Caught ya!

Since I was born in the year of the Dragon, the Chinese proverb states, "You prefer to be alone." (Which is ironically quite true most days). Thanks a lot mom and dad. And also, since Joan of Arc is my patron saint, that makes me a fighting single white female. You go girl. Oh sarcasm, how I love to insert you randomly. Anyway, if it isn't obvious already, I will not be joining all you lovers out there on your walk down Cupid Shuffle Road any time soon, but wanted to congratulate all my engaged friends, two who just happen to be my roommates, and do so in my own quirky way. I wish you all the best!

To the rest of you who find yourselves in the single status, remember this story next time you take a drink of water...

My Talk With God in the Mirror

I looked at myself in the mirror this morning, and saw the blemishes. They had come to visit like a thief in the night, stealing my pores and making it known that they found a home for a few days, a home that was really never meant to be theirs. I splashed my face with cold-water letting the water run down my chin; secretly hoping the uninvited guests would disappear with each drop. But even now, I know they will always show up at this time of the month. Then as I rub my eyes I notice they look a little greener, gradually slimming to brown right around the pupils. Today my face looks older; the bags under my eyes are more evident. Of course I've had my share of sleepless nights worrying, and those times of burying my head in the pillow so only the fabric and I knew I actually had tears to cry, otherwise it seems they only come out during funerals or when I have had too much poison in my belly. Well, and in the shower on occasion, I'm a woman. Today I look down at my hands as I put toothpaste on my toothbrush, my beautiful hands. They have been with me through so much, carrying the reins of many horse rides, shooting hundreds of thousands of basketballs, writing so many words, embracing countless hugs, touching ocean waves and city walls, turning pages of books to flood my mind with knowledge, and helping me carry the world with me wherever I travel. Because of them I have memories. My hands I have to thank for much of my success.

How many days have my hands tried to help cover these blemishes on my face, and accent the greenish brown colors in my eyes? How many times must I look in the mirror before I discover, my face is only my face and my hands are only my hands? My hands have been my greatest servants, and yet they can be so useless at times, those times I never seem to improve much. Those times when they shouldn't have shoveled another bite in my mouth, or brought another bottle to my lips. Those times when I have allowed fingers to intertwine with mine as though somehow that will cure the loneliness. In the end I know my hands are only trying to help, but they get in the way. I have become too familiar with them and what they can do for me and I forget about something that isn't tangible, something that is far from what my hands can grasp. My soul. Now, that is a thing that can be hard to get in touch with these days eh? After all, we cannot see our soul in the mirror every day, and I find it hard to tell my soul to fetch me a glass of water. However, behind every action my hands commit, lies the inner voice of my soul, either agreeing or disagreeing with the movements. It's not that we can't hear it because the voice is too quiet, no; the world has just become too loud.

I look in the mirror today and notice my hair has not met a pair of scissors in over a year and a half. Yes, this sight is frightening to any hairdresser but this stirs within my rattling brain a thought. What if our souls were worn on the outside, how frightened would we all be? What if others could see my soul the way they see my hair? What if those blemishes on my face could also be found in my soul? I imagine them to be dark shadowy places, with webs and dusty shelves above empty chairs; places we wouldn't dare let a visitor rest their head, not even with a flashlight in hand. So I look at my greenish eyes in the mirror and say, "Why not clean up the corners of my soul, the places I don't dare set foot because of my own insecurities and fears?" If I can wash my face every day, and spend money dressing up a body I have become all too familiar with, I think maybe, just maybe, I can give some more attention to my soul.

So I stared deep into those eyes this morning and said, "Body, I have experienced much with you. Itches, bruises, and scrapes, stomach growls, lovers' hands, wonderful food as it touched your toungue and drinks I cannot even name. I have experienced with you much pain from injuries and some pain from stupidity. Body, you have been with me through it all but too many times I have allowed you to be in control. You are greedy, lustful, lethargic if I allow it, you cry out to me for pain relief when you ache, you beg me to press the snooze button too many times, you tell me to give up when I am making your feet go faster than you'd like. You body, although I'd like to thank, I must also inform you, that it is time for discipline. Yes, I've tried before and failed, but my soul is strong you see. It doesn't quit. Souls these days are too submissive, letting the outer self control what lies within. I cannot let you, body, and let you take control of the part of me that will always live. In case you didn't know, one day you will be no more. Those dollar bills you keep in the bank won't matter, grocery store trips to feed your belly won't matter, the way you look in heels or the way you curl the hair on your delicate head won't matter, and yes, even the way you present yourself to others, well, that won't matter either. Unless...unless the way others perceive you becomes something more. Body, if someone can look into those greenish brown eyes and see my soul shine, then and only then should you be proud of what your hands are doing for you." 

Then I put my toothbrush back in its place and smiled, because it was then that I knew today was going to be a good day. My hands and I were off to do great things, letting my soul lead the way, and somehow my hands were found typing on this keyboard writing this short story. And now my soul has urged me to share it. The whole time I've been writing, my stomach ironically, has been growling for attention, but of course I chuckle silently saying, "Body, this time, your wishes come second." 

Thank you God for that conversation in the mirror this morning.

My Family of Origin

While gathering information about all the events that preceded my birth, and simultaneously going back into the collection of memories I have stored away, entailing any recollection of important events involving all my “loved ones”, I began to see my family as a puzzle. My perspective of this puzzle however, is not one that would be seen mounted neatly on a wall after each piece had found it’s perfect place in the scattered array of carefully carved out cardboard. My family is one that has in fact forced pieces together that maybe were not ever intended to fit. Edges are found next to edges while holes sit beside holes, barely holding them together by a corner. Some pieces were lost and later found while others tried so hard to fit into just the right place. There have been spills, scratches, markings and tears on every piece, some indeed more than others. Taking a long look at this dreadful, yet beautiful masterpiece is an astonishing sight. What I find most incredible is that through all the journeys this puzzle has made, storms it has weathered, lives it has touched, or rather lives that have touched it, each piece still remains intact, letting whatever part of itself reach out and converge the piece closest, as if it is the most natural thing to do. The concurrent fusion and separation cause the whole work of art to combust into a glow. No, my family is not in flames, but within each piece you can see a burning desire. Each desire is slightly different but it is evident each believes in something stronger and more powerful than they can fathom, and thankfully because of this, I have learned through much hardship and much love, the power of a family. And with this flame I feel so fervently burning within me, I plan to become more than just a spark, to eventually, as Great Grandma Lu said it, "set the world on fire".

Set the World On Fire

I recently returned from Utah, where I attended the funeral of my Great Grandfather in Layton. He was 95 years old and had been married to my Great Grandmother just over 74 years. I remember four years ago when they were interviewed and an article was published about them on their 70th anniversary it hit me that I was a lucky kid to be able to say I knew both of my Great Grandparents and the admirable accomplishment they had achieved. http://www.icatholic.org/article/couple-says-love-has-kept-them-together-70-years-5672428 The last three years I have been able to make a trip out to see them every spring, and get to know them as an adult; I hadn't seen them much since I was young due to activities in school and the busy life of a student athlete. I decided for Spring Break my senior year I wanted to go out and visit them. As a kid you have it set in your mind that people will live forever but I had finally realized differently after experiencing death on my father's side of the family. "Nobody lives forever and dying is inevitable", as Great Grandma told me the night before the funeral.

 Something she also told me, which is what sparked me to write in the first place was this; "I've known your Grandpa since high school. I was going to go to college and set the world on fire, but then I met him and everything changed. But you know, I think I did set the world on fire..him and I did...look at all of you...we did that." I looked around me just then, and realized what two people had done. Two people had created five children, eighteen grandchildren and forty-three great grandchildren. And more importantly they had filled us all with their love. If that's not setting the world on fire I'm not sure what is.

 This got me thinking on the eleven and a half hours I spent on the road home about what it truly means to set the world on fire. We all have these ideas in our heads about the great things we will accomplish as individuals, totally unaware that those things may not be what God has planned for us. I believe God places within each and every one of our souls a spark. It us up to us to control the flame. I think each of us has had events occur in our lives that have not gone how we planned, as with the case of my Great Grandmother, marrying my Great Grandfather. But we never see the big picture until later. Isn't their beauty in hindsight? So many times, when things don't go our way we tend to view them as bad, or disappointing, thinking of how it could be or should be. When we let the world weigh on us this way our flame cannot grow, it will have the opposite effect and they will be put out by the stresses of daily living.

 You know those people you meet that are just enthusiastic about life? The ones who when you look into their eyes you can feel the love pouring out of them, or when you speak to them they attend to you like you are the only person in the world at that moment. The people who remain so positive in every situation you start to wonder if anything could bring them down. Those are the people whom I believe are setting the world on fire and those are the people I admire most. I believe those are also the people who have seen some serious trials in their life. A spark cannot be ignited without friction. Trials are essential. If we are to set the world on fire we must know what it is like to step into the flame. The problem is most of us are content standing outside the fire, afraid of being burnt. But the challenge we face is not the fire itself but the truth found at the center of its flames. The truth is fire. God does not place the spark within us to make us comfortable. What person can say that they are comfortable amidst a fire aside from roasting marshmallows at a reasonable distance?

 He places in us a living fire of love. It burns if we allow it. It is not a destructive fire, but one that makes things bright and free. Dare to entrust yourself to the fire. Dare to face truth. Too many times we see fire as painful but it actually brings with it a peace. But we only properly comprehend this peace if we do not cheat ourselves out of pain or out of the conflicts that the truth brings with it. If we try to avoid conflict to insure that no disturbances arise anywhere, then we can no longer have an impact. We cannot set the world on fire if we cannot face it ourselves. The message of truth sits within the fire to conflict with our behavior, to tear us away from lies and bring clarity to our lives. Truth does not come cheap. It makes demands, and it also burns.

 I believe my Great Grandparents found this truth. As I was able to visit with them over the last few years they never once told me that their lives were easy. They spoke to me so honest about life, about pain and suffering, but most important of the laughter and joy. They were able to find humor in situations as they retold their past and did not dwell on the things they could not change. They took advantage of their time together and they were able to spread that love to every person in whom they met. Although I did not know my Great Grandfather as well as the rest of my family, my aunt and uncles, mom, their cousins, my grandparents and their siblings, I knew him enough to know he was dancing in the heart of the fire before he passed away. My Great Grandmother, is left to spread the flames of love to those around her until she dances her way to heaven to be greeted by, not only my Great Grandfather, but also the One who ignited the fire in both their souls.

 The both of them have created a great example for me in what it means to set the world on fire. May we all do the world a service and not be afraid to ignite the fire within us and dance within the flames. The first step, dare to face truth.

Burning Snowflake

I inhale it with refreshment and exhale it with satisfaction. I can feel each note as it leaves the intrinsic place where it was first created and so fervently makes its way to my ears. Every note hits me differently; some feel arctic and crisp, like I have just stepped in the midst of a winter storm. My face goes numb from the chill that each note brings as it pierces right to the bone. But only then, when I can feel the cold hit me so suddenly, am I aware that I am, in fact, alive and breathing. Other times, it hits me like the sun, blazing down in rays of heat. Each note melts on my forehead and becomes a part of my being. The warmth I experience has more bubbles than a bottle of champagne could even fathom. In complete soberness music has me under the influence. It's something divine. Like every note, every lyric, were placed in my ear so carefully by the hand of God himself. My favorite notes however, are the kinds that bring with it a sort of revelation. The ones that creep under my skin and suddenly find their way out the tiny hairs on my arms as each hair stands up to applaud the sound my ears have just experienced. The ones that somehow make my jaw muscles loosen and my eye lids seem as though they were meant to close so I can truly see. Music is an encounter that can take me to a place no one else can touch. Only here, in the midst of this array of all emotions, can imagination meet possibility if the mind is open to the wonders they both possess.

Freedom of Expression Shows That We Are Not Free

He was just your average American, looking for a way to make a name, a way to make his voice heard, when so many voices sound the same. But today's average American isn't average can't you see, we are blind if we don't realize average isn't what it used to be. We are told now more than ever, to express our individuality. So express it we do, through art and music, through words, through clothes and tattoos. Listen as YOLO gets thrown around like it's a game, but if we only live once, why do so many live in shame? Don't you get it, "We only live once?" And now 26 people's lives on earth are done, it was through expression they were killed, not with a gun.

Expression was not meant to be bad, no in fact it is good, but there is something wrong with the way have turned into walking puppets made of wood. We have let society attach to us strings of all sorts, and now our expressions are just the media's reports. Look at the television as it tells us what we should be, and by telling us, somehow that's expressing individuality? It throws at us news that is filled with anger and hate, but unless it happens to us directly we can't really relate. Watch as the media promotes a sex driven "party America" that portrays carelessness as okay. But for some reason millions of people are numb as they wake up each day? So we express how we feel on our computers at home, we let the world know when we are feeling alone. Through facebook, through twitter, through innate words in a text, but does this falsity we portray really express?

The answer is no, which is why bad things happen as they do, because no matter how hard we try, everyone just sees right through. Why? Because everyone is so busy expressing their own, they don't take the time to see someone else feels alone. "Look out for number one, Climb to the top of the ladder, Don't quit 'til it's done, Only I matter, It's all about me, What do I want, I want what I see, My life I will flaunt." Do you see that the U in United States is the YOU we express? If we put others first we wouldn't be in this mess.

Don't you see the raging river of evil flowing through this nation? Well people I'm telling you now, yo better grab your flotation. Because there are a lot of bodies just going with the flow, and it takes someone strong to stand up and show, that walking against the current of evil in this land, is the only way we can bring peace back to man. You see, it is the dead souls of today that flow down the river, come alive my friends, let's walk up stream until you see the sliver. The sliver of hope in the sky our Creator lets shine. Grab my hand and let's express something divine. If we must express ourselves let us express love, let us express the one who created us from above.

We shall call out His name as we mourn the children lost, and the wonderful teachers who all paid a cost, by being so brave and acting out of love, let us follow their footsteps as they watch from above. Let us live as those children, innocent and free, and love life just as He meant it to be. Bring God back to a world that is broken, and don't be afraid of His words if they are spoken. Find hope in Him and express your love to one another, grab a strangers hand, we are all sisters and brothers. Take a moment to not be concerned with you; there are so many other people that feel the way you do. Reach out to them, love them, put others in front of yourself, you'll find that helping someone brings the greatest wealth. If we are to express ourselves let it be through kindness and generosity, so we can put an end to all this atrocity. Cut the strings all you puppets, because God is not the one tying you down. He wants you to be free and spread the love all around.

Today you have the power to change a life and save a nation. Spread the love.

Sleepy Sally

It's harvest season. This means two things. 1)I spend the majority of my day driving 2 mph. 2)I get sleepy. Yes, you see, Sleepy Sally visits me almost every day, some days sooner than expected. When she arrives I have to muster up all the energy I can to keep her from taking me down. I’m sure you’ve been a victim of Sleepy Sally yourself. But, before I tell you about her visit, I must fill you in on her history.

“Long ago, Sleepy Sally was created by the sleep gods of our universe, with the intention to help people drift off to a peaceful sleep. She sang all those who welcomed her to sleep with soft lullabies, and made sure they slept through the night. Each person woke up feeling alive and refreshed the next morning. She was confined to the pillows, beds, couches, and reclining chairs of life…until, she became bored and angered. Her every day routine became too monotonous and she realized people were beginning to ignore her presence as the world began to get busier and busier. Because of this people started sleeping less and less. She became jealous and engulfed with rage. She starved for attention, and she was determined to get it back. One day Sleepy Sally sneakily and so cleverly broke out of imprisonment during the daylight hours to visit all of the busy people in the world. From that day on, the world as we know it began to change and today she conquers the vast majority of living humans as they try to accomplish fun, work, and school instead of sleep. Sleepy Sally has earned a bad name in today’s society, because if you fall for her, you will not accomplish anything, or so we’ve been told, so she haunts all who ignore her.”

Well, now that you know her background let me tell you about my last two days with her. There I was in my combine, driving along listening to the radio when all of a sudden I caught myself in a long stare. She snuck in unnoticed but found her way to my eyes as she made them heavy, while suddenly making my cares light. My shoulders drooped and my body felt relaxed. A bit too relaxed. It was 3:00 pm and I was running on five hours of sleep with the intention to work until late into the night. How would I get rid of her? I needed to keep her occupied until I was done working. Red Bull. (Caffeine has become our number one Sleepy Sally killer, but since we are silly humans we can’t really kill her, only keep her away for 5 hours and supposedly bring her enemy, Ernest Energy, to surface.) So the Red Bull gave me wings. Unfortunately it didn’t give my combine wings however, as we were far from flying, still driving 1.8 mph through the golden field. Sleepy Sally had left me, but she was soon to return.

Today, on a better night’s sleep I figured she wouldn’t pay me a visit again. I figured wrong. I blame the radio for her ability to sneak in. The problem with radio stations is they play the same seven songs over and over again and we can’t help but drift off into a trance. At approximately 2:00 pm, Sleepy Sally came out of confinement and snuck into my cab. She decided to take a more enticing approach as she began to whisper sweet nothings in my ear telling me that if I only just closed my eyes, everything would be alright. She’s a temptress, that Sally. I focused hard on the radio but no matter how many times Katy Perry came on the airwaves, I felt far from ‘wide awake.’ I had every note of Usher’s song down so perfectly by the tenth time it was played I really did want to ‘scream’ at the DJ to play a new song. If it would have been possible I might have even called up Maroon 5 and told them to hurry up and come out with a new hit because I could sing their current song backwards, but I guess they must be hard to get a hold of if they are still making calls from a ‘payphone’. So I turned the radio down and listened to the machine instead. Sleepy Sally grabbed hold of me and we met face to face, and then…

Sorry about the inconvenience but its midnight and a very needy, attention starved, tempting feeling has come over me. I will have to finish my story later. Crap. It’s her again. She’s calling me. I can’t ignore her any longer. Goodnight world.

Meet Tony: Part Two

Tony the Tiger is a tiger after all. I'm assuming he found out about my blog and read what I posted about him. That's the only way I can describe his peculiar behavior yesterday.

I was in the living room, about to head over to the neighbors to babysit, when all of a sudden I see Tony walk in off the deck, prancing, with something clamped between his jaws. He walked casually around the pool table and through the kitchen as I stand watching him from the living room. He then proceeded to walk right up to me and drop a baby bunny at my feet. He looked up at me like, "Here ya go dude" and then sort of pawed at the helpless bunny quivering in fear. I immediately picked up the bunny and yelled at Tony while looking at my watch, realizing I had to be at the neighbors in five minutes. But now I had a bunny in hand and an anxious cat attempting to climb my leg to reach him. What in the world was I going to do with a poor innocent little rabbit?

I had three choices, all of which weren't in favor of the little fur ball in my hand. A) I could give the bunny back to Tony and just leave. (I winced here) B) I could go put the bunny somewhere in the garden hoping his mom would find him. C) I could take him to the neighbors and let a 5 yr old boy and 3 yr old girl squeeze him to death with utter excitement.

So I scurried around in search of a shoe box and wrapped the bunny tightly in a washcloth and headed out the door. And wow, were those two kids happy. Before I could even get out the words 'be careful with him', the little 3 year old had him by the throat, running around the living room jumping and squealing "Can we keep him? Can we keep him?"

Then it had to be explained that he wouldn't live if they tried to keep him because he was too little. This was a tragic moment for the kids and I realized then, maybe giving the bunny back to Tony may have been a better idea. The 3 year old, after several tears, accepted that the bunny couldn't be a pet and I quickly tried to change the subject as we went to the bathroom to wash our hands, while their mom snuck him out of the house and went on her way.

That evening when I came home from playing with the kids I turned on the light to find another peace offering from Tony. A lizard lay right in the middle of the living room floor, dead as a doorknob, Tony nowhere in sight. I underestimated you Tony the Greeeeeeeaaaaat White Hunter. A bunny and a lizard in one day says a lot for a cat who eats whipped cream on a platter.

Meet Tony

Let me tell you about Tony. He's a tiger. In spirit. Actually no, not even in spirit. In spirit I would say he's comparable to a helpless teenage girl. He would never survive in the wild. They don't serve whipped cream on a platter.

One thing about Tony, he always thinks about food. I guess you could say, he thinks like the average American. I have never actually met a cat who cannot enjoy just lounging around all day, because he fears he will never be fed again. Every time I make a motion for the fridge he is at my heels with his tiny little roar of a meow, just hoping I will drop a crumb his way. His happiness depends on me. Yeah, he would never make it in the wilderness. Last night as I was doing my thing in the kitchen and he was at my heels, following me step for step as if we were practicing a choreographed song together, I realized this cat has never been hungry in his life. And it irritated me. So I said very sternly, "Tony, do you realize there are lions and tigers starving in Africa this very minute? They are thankful to eat a mouse let alone a small antelope so please, don't even start with the 'I'm hungry' thing man. You're not."

He still didn't get my point. I had laid out a chicken breast on the counter earlier so it could unthaw and either he wanted to prove to me he could hunt or he did it out of spite, but he jumped up on the counter and ran off with my chicken breast. I chased him around the pool table mad as a hornet wanting to yell really mean and awful things. But I was at the point somewhere in between love and anger, chasing around a cute furry cat with big round eyes and my dinner in his mouth, so the words that came out wouldn't have even phased a five year old in timeout. I yelled, "Tony....urrrg you're such a bad kitty!!" What a terrible thing to say.

So I got my dinner back and as I was cleaning it off and throwing out the part his tiny fangs had demolished it occurred to me Tony is just like a man. He is always hungry, and when he thinks he has stolen your heart, he goes for the breast.

As Shania Said It: That Don't Impress Me Much

A phrase I recently heard that has permanently found a home in my memory bank is this one, “We were created to bless people not to impress people”. After I jogged over the phrase a few times and let it tumble around in my head my brain began forming all sorts of ideas and I realized a few things. First of all we are approaching people in all the wrong ways. My interpretation of this phrase is that God doesn’t always bless me personally from his hand to my grasp, but also by his placing another human being on the path I walk in life. This allows for me to also be blessed by that person as well if I allow for it. The trouble is, most of us, as the phrase suggests, are here to impress, and when you impress before you bless, you place yourself before others.

When we meet someone new what is the first thing we do? Size them up. See how they compare. See what is flawed or unique or out of the ordinary. Pick up instantly on something we like or dislike. We pass judgment. It’s natural! Why can’t we remember names on first introduction? Some people like me would blame a bad memory, but if I can memorize a telephone number at first recital I should be able to remember a name. The only difference is a phone number can’t talk and the shoes it cannot wear do not distract me. What if we actually paid attention to people the way we were meant to? If we realized individuals were unique in their own way and really weren’t that different from ourselves. If we looked them in the eyes and saw they had a soul instead of a zit on their forehead. The problem with that idea is the “I before he except after acceptance. Then, maybe once in a while”

We all think in different ways as we approach a person. A doctor for example, may begin to look at people as patients; the coughing one, the one with the cast, the one with the tumor, the cancer survivor, the pregnant lady and so on. But it doesn’t even take a doctor to start to analyze and find yourself diagnosing someone even in the aisles of the supermarket. That person is too fat, she will struggle with diabetes, that person is too skinny, I bet she’s anorexic. That person has bad posture he will get osteoporosis. That person has raggedy clothes, I bet they are foul smelling and poor. We analyze, we pass judgment, we critique and we observe, often times before a person ever has the chance to speak.

What are more interesting though are the things that come out of our mouths when we do get a chance to speak. So often they are words formed together into a sentence that will sound impressive. And oh how we love to talk about ourselves. My friend put it to me the other day like this, “We are all just overgrown babies”, and that we are. Who is not dying for some attention from someone? Who doesn’t like to feel comforted and complimented and told ‘good job’? Who in this world can do everything all on their own? Nobody. The idea that we have distorted is that of who will reap the benefits. We approach a person and their situation like this: what’s in it for me? Why should I help you? Why should I care? What does that have to do with me? How much time will this take? By doing this we again place our needs before theirs and give away the opportunity to bless.

I’ll end by sharing a story my pastor shared a few weeks ago that will forever stick with me. He said he was walking down the street some twenty years ago and saw a blind man shuffling along down the sidewalk across from him. He was clearly blind as he was cautiously walking and feeling his way down the street. What caught his eye though was the man walking right next to him holding on to his arm. This man had his sight and was directing the blind man where to go. But, as he watched the man walk it became obvious that he was crippled and couldn't walk properly. Something was wrong with one of his legs that wouldn't allow him to walk on his own. Suddenly this feeling of great appreciation and love came over Mike (my pastor) as he realized that the blind man was using the crippled man's eyes to compensate for the crippled man to use the blind man's strong and healthy legs. They were leaning on and depending on each other for their weaknesses so both of them could get down the street. His point in this story was to emphasize that when we go through struggles in life, yes, we should put our hope and trust in the Lord, but also to be aware of the people God places in front of us on our journey to help us in our weaknesses. We as human beings were made to lean on each other and ask for help from each other instead of always trying to figure things out on our own, because we can relate to one another.

How cool to think that a person who comes across your path in life is not only someone you can benefit from, but more importantly, a person that can benefit from knowing you. That speaks volumes! That’s power. And we have that power at our grasp if only we knew what to do with it. We were made to bless not to impress.

The Rainy Day Dreamer

Sitting here in the quiet, tuning into only nature’s beat, I listen as the distinct drops of rain meet the surfaces of everything man has created. I am filled with a cleansing emotion as I watch the water roll out the gutter down it’s destined path and into the canyon below. Please take with it, all my worries and fears. The birds sit on the edge of the deck ruffling their feathers and dancing in the puddles as if the shower brings with it a giddy and lighthearted sentiment. I can hear children playing in this drizzly mister God has created just down the street as their toddler like shrieks of excitement echo. It’s after five now, the clouds are closing in but I feel they bring with them a blanket of comfort. Windows from across the canyon are beginning to light up as people are returning from their workday. The orchestra of rainfall drowns out the faint sounds of the freeway and those who’ve yet to arrive to their destination. I watch as the beads of rain hang on the tree’s delicate branches as if decorating them with a sparkling necklace. I smell a fireplace burning next door as a brisk, smoky chill suddenly fills the air. The rain is beginning to let up and that feeling of sadness overcomes me. Not a lasting sort of sadness but the kind a person receives when they are experiencing the last song at a concert and suddenly realize the show is almost over. I soak up every moment as the darkness engulfs the light that is left from the day. This last hour has been a successful one. Thank you God for again letting me feel your presence.

Spiritual Struggle

This past week has been one of those I’d like to call a “spiritual slump”. Everybody experiences it at some point, some longer than others, but for those who understand what I mean, it’s that feeling of no progress. I don’t mean this in the physical, or materialistic aspect. I mean it in the spiritual sense. When we think of progress anymore, we think of it in terms of new and better things; more knowledge, more money, more possessions. Better technology, better theories, better ways to improve our lives; but in all those ways, few are on the progress of the soul. A year ago from now I was in a spiritual slump. The only difference then was I wasn’t aware of it. Why? My progress was focused on everything from my skin outward and what I could gain. Progress within, I lacked, and I didn’t even know it. I was content. That is the biggest trap we fall into as individuals: Being content and denying reality. To deny that the world we are living in has, yes I will use the word “progressively”, become worse is in fact denying the very idea that we are in a spiritual battle.

So what happened this past week with me? Not that anyone else would have noticed but I didn’t measure up to the standards and goals I have set for myself. I wasn’t disciplined. And just as any athlete or any individual trying to work their way up the corporate ladder knows, without discipline there is no progress. What makes us become undisciplined? If things are going so great one way, why do we try another? Here’s why. The spiritual warfare. In my journey of soul searching I have found that the more I try to stay on the path of the straight and narrow the more I am tempted by the other side to step off of it. The devil doesn’t want us to win! He doesn’t like to see us succeed! That is what this fight is all about though. Walking with God is not easy. It is a FIGHT. It’s a decision you have to make every single day in every single moment. A soldier does not decide to join the Army, shoot a gun once and automatically win the war. It is an ongoing battle. We have to wake up every single day and make a decision to follow God yet again. It’s not supposed to be easy. If it were easy our nation would not be in the morally toxic state it is in, we wouldn’t be bankrupt and there would not be turmoil in the church. If it were easy to follow God obediently everyone would be doing it. But it’s not easy.

A person doesn’t just share their testimony of how they were saved and expect that because they are now a Christian they will never have to suffer. Sorry, but if you haven’t noticed, a Christian in today’s society suffers immensely, if he or she stands by their faith. Suffering is what brings you closer to God. But how many people do we meet from day to day and leave the conversation thinking, “Wow, that person loves God, they are what being a Christian is all about.” My guess is not very many, because it is not popular to speak of our Creator. It’s like saying Voldemort out loud in the Harry Potter Series. Only Voldemort is more comparable to the devil. Can you imagine if our society was that way? If speaking of sin and the devil that created it caused everyone around you to hush you and tell you not to speak of that name. Don’t think that J.K. Rowling was original in creating Harry Potter’s story. When any kid wishes he could be Harry Potter all he has to do is face reality and realize that we are fighting an even more intense battle. Harry Potter is a mild version of what is actually going on around us. Where is the magic then? In prayer! There is genius in prayer. I say this because that is one thing I got away from this past week. Praying. I’m not talking about the kind of prayer where you ask God, “Okay I am going in for a job interview tomorrow, please help me get the job.” I’m talking about the kind of prayer where you are talking to God about your life like he is sitting next to you. I’m talking about the kind of prayer where you forget your surroundings and delve into his presence. The kind of prayer where a person can fully understand the verse “Be still and know that I am God.” I got away from that, and it showed. Distractions, distractions, distractions. Noise. Noise. And more noise. Silence is a gift. Cherish it. I can learn more in an hour of silence than I could a year of schooling.

I was talking to a friend last night and I asked him, “What do you do when you know you are in a slump, when you are being tempted by sin and can’t seem to conquer it.” He then explained to me that he does one of two things. He either imagines the temptation, however great or small as a pitch being thrown at him as he stands on home plate. And just as the temptation reaches him he swings the bat of resistance and knocks it out of the park and imagines himself running the bases. I would throw in that standing at home plate to greet my victory and me is Jesus himself giving me a high five. “That”, he says, “Or I just imagine my guardian angel with his sword and shield standing out in front of me ready to whoop some ass.” I liked that one, because honestly, that’s what we are doing whether we are aware or not. When we put on the armor of God and fight we are staying disciplined in our duties as soldiers. Giving into temptation is like walking into a den of lions saying, “Here, bite me.” Giving into sin no matter how great or small, sin is sin, and being fully aware of what we are doing, is surrendering ourselves to evil. And when you do that, spiritual slumps like what I experienced are what come of it.

If you never experience a spiritual slump I think it’s safe to say you aren’t spiritual. People who aren’t struggling are the people who are standing off to the side of the battlefield concerned in their own affairs, not even aware that there is a battle-taking place. Let me assure you I was that person, I’ve seen some very dark times in my life. But sometimes it’s only then that you know what it means to tap into the light. And let me also say there are more people standing off to the side than actually fighting the battle. Why would I say that? Well how about we turn on the television? Watch the news, catch the latest movie about friends with benefits and see how the media has become so sexually oriented we now get to see a woman selling real estate on a billboard sign by showing her cleavage. Cleavage now even sells homes. Wow. Way to go America. How did it happen that in the last 60 years or so a commercial shown today would not be allowed to be aired back then? How did it happen that our music went from singing about your true love for your “Baby” to rapping about your true addiction to the act of making a baby? How did it happen that our president who, after thousands of years of human history, a Harvard law degree, and four years in the White House, cannot tell us with certainty what he thinks marriage or life is? I’ll tell you how, people stopped fighting the good fight and stood off to the side letting the enemy have open fire on our troops. I’m not talking in Afghanistan, I’m talking right here in America. Right down to every home and every school out there. People have become numb to this spiritual war, not realizing the wounds they are inflicting on themselves by progressing in every way but the soul itself.

Call me crazy. Call me too conservative. Call me self-righteous. Jesus too heard things like this from the Pharisees, but he kept on. When he came back to preach in his hometown he was even called “out of his mind” by his own relatives for his beliefs. How cool is that to follow someone that in his time was called “out of his mind”? If I could even amount to one of his toenails by the time I am done fighting this battle I will have accomplished something. I am a sinner. I will fail. I will get wounded in battle, many times because of my own lack of awareness and unpreparedness, but I will not stand to the side pretending as if there is not a battle to be fought. I will fight. Turning to the last chapter of the Good Book, it is evident who wins. And as I stand there on judgment day I want God to look at me and know that although I failed miserably, countless times, I was fighting for the winning team. In the end, that should be the only progress that matters.

I will end this little rant and rave by stating something that happened to me last night, clarifying that life is indeed about the little things. While I was telling my friend that I was in a spiritual dry spell I receive a text from my aunt saying, “Meant to tell you that I used you as an example in group the other day of letting God orchestrate your life for you. It has been fun to watch you follow his lead. Keep your heart open to his call and although there will be struggles, you will be happiest doing his will.” Don’t believe for a second that God doesn’t use people in your life to get you motivated about him. I didn’t tell my aunt I was struggling and somehow God had her type the very words I needed to hear to get me going again. Coincidences are God’s plan. Every time.

Happiness Is.

Happiness is. Happiness isn’t when you get your paycheck.
It’s that feeling you get when you loan a friend in need fifty bucks and expect nothing in return.
Happiness is. Happiness isn’t when you are excited it’s the weekend so you can unwind with a drink.
It’s when you are excited it’s Monday because unlike millions around the world you actually have a job.
Happiness is. Happiness isn’t when you live comfortably in the possession of expensive things.
It’s when you realize that there is an opportunity in the struggle to build your character.
Happiness is. Happiness isn’t when a drink or drug make you feel like you are soaring.
It’s discovering elation in the very state of being.
Happiness is. Happiness isn’t when you get a compliment that suddenly places you on top of the world.
It’s when you give that compliment and sincerely mean it.
Happiness is. Happiness isn’t just going to church every Sunday.
It’s when you can see God in everything and every person you meet.
Happiness is. Happiness isn’t indulging in a wonderful meal and over filling your belly because it tastes good.
It’s when you and self-denial team up at enough.
Happiness is. Happiness isn’t when someone sweeps you off your feet.
It’s that feeling you get after; when you trust that they won’t let you fall.
Happiness is. Happiness isn’t when you buy your child all that it wants to please them.
It’s when at night during their bedtime prayers they thank God to just have you.
Happiness is. Happiness isn’t when you are always having fun.
It’s when you search for fun in the things that mean the most.
Happiness is. Happiness isn’t when you and your loved one watch your favorite TV show together about made up characters.
It’s when a life-changing book could be written based on a conversation between the two of you.
Happiness is. Happiness isn’t when everything in your life is going right.
It’s when the world crashes down on you and you’re still able to find something to be thankful for.
Happiness is. Happiness isn’t when you have the best of everything.
It’s when you make the most of everything you have.
Happiness is. Happiness isn’t “If it feels good, do it.”
It’s when you learn that self-discipline sets you free to fly.
Happiness is. Happiness isn’t about the big achievements in life.
It’s about the major setbacks and how you overcome them.
Happiness is. Happiness isn’t based on an impulse.
If it were, there would be no such thing as addiction.
Happiness is. Happiness isn’t.

If happiness is based on circumstance we are all doomed. Happiness is a challenge. Search for it in everything. It is not something we are blessed with; rather it is something that we attain when we are thankful for our blessings, no matter how great or small. Happiness can be achieved by simply sitting in our own company if we realize that in that company we are never alone. Happiness is in Him, that’s why happiness is found in the little joys of life. Happiness can be found in itself when we give it to others. Happiness is discipline. Happiness is.

Roads, Souls and Fire

You and I. We fight the same battle even though they’re different.
See, if I walked in your shoes I’d still be walking the same distance.
You think you are alone in fighting with your mind, and well
We all are alone until that point in where we find, what time will tell.
Wait. For what? Wait for answers. When we all go out looking
That’s when we become our own cancers. Because the answer, lies within.
But as we go about our lives as tiny dancers we don’t acknowledge our own sin.
Here we are putting our lives out there for everyone to see.
Posting our daily duties like the world has paid a subscription to read.
But deep within us we each hold our secrets,
And our insides are on fire while fighting our own battles.
But if I were to honestly believe you didn’t have problems,
I wouldn’t see you on this road, you’d be on the one less traveled.
I’ve been on that road once and I intend to go back
This road we’re on now is paved with its tar fresh and black.
Its yellow lines are deceiving and the white ones hold you to it
But if all this noise stopped we could see right through it.
It’s not real. This road is chaos and confusion. We can’t figure out why we’re all hurting but we love it.
Life on this road is just an illusion. While our dreams sit in reality waiting for us to rise above it.
Every day we put those black lines around our eyes and dress up our bodies hoping to cover lies
But every day becomes another day we didn’t try. This car can’t run forever, soon it will die.
As our engine sputters and runs on its last fumes we will wonder
Was it really worth driving through the storm just to hear the thunder?
That path that’s narrow the one we all know is there, well, it’s covered with leaves
There are vines that stretch across it and grass grows tall like the trees.
But there’s peace there on that road, a peace that’s all been planted in us like a seed
And the day we step foot on its path we can let the sunlight in to dry up the weeds
Our souls are like caves, see; we keep them dark and hidden, only the light from outside gets in
But no. What if we let The Light in, what would he find in our shadowy corners?
Cobwebs and dust he would see, and he would peel off the guilt, shame, and fear around its borders.
That light is in all of us just waiting to be ignited, and once in flame we will still have to fight it
Just because a fire glows within doesn’t mean the other side won’t tempt you with sin
And he does. The more your fire grows the more often he comes. Sometimes evil will win.
That’s the challenge though. That’s how we really grow, and in doing so, that’s when we’ve made it,
To that narrow winding road, the one full of peace, simplicity and realness, don’t tell me you don’t crave it.

This Christmas Season

This Christmas season let my heart be full of love
Let me come to know my Savior sent from above
This Christmas season let me understand
We are celebrating a gift from the Makers hand
This Christmas season it’s not about what presents I receive
It’s about knowing why I’m here and saying I believe
This Christmas season let me not get caught up in things to do
It’s not about having things just right if I’m not just right with you
This Christmas season let me follow my North Star
And as I sit beside your manger let me see you as you are
This Christmas season it’s not just about the man in the sleigh
It’s about celebrating Earth’s most magnificent birthday
This Christmas season let me enjoy the company I keep
And remember with tears of joy the ones whose bodies are asleep
This Christmas season let me be full of gratefulness
And pray for those whose hearts are filled with hatefulness
This Christmas season let my soul light up the street
And put a smile on the faces of those in whom I meet
This Christmas season let me love the gift of giving
Because in doing so I discover why we’re living

The Fight

We all have a battle that we constantly will fight

Some think this fight lies in the battlefields where blood is shed
Others think this fight lies in the streets where guns are kept
Some think this fight is up to the President to revolutionize
Others think this fight lies in battling for their rights
Some think this fight is standing up for what you believe
Others think this fight is getting the glory when you achieve
Some think this fight is to battle a sickness and overcome it
Others think this fight is to get knocked down and rise above it

I think this fight lies in the very depths of our soul
I think this fight is something we can control
What we fight day in and day out? Temptation.

We fight temptation in every day decisions
But we let temptation win under certain provisions
You see in fighting temptation true heart is what we lack
Some couldn’t beat temptation with his hands tied behind his back
We let him whisper his sweet nothings in our ears
But we don’t think to blame him when giving in brings us tears
Fighting temptation is when you tell the body you’re in control
Fighting temptation is when you let the body come second to you’re soul
We let the body control our lives day in and day out
When it thinks it needs something we tend to its never ceasing shout
I need this it cries, I need that, give me more of all that I think I lack
I need more food, I need more drink, I need more drugs or so I think
Imagine our world if we didn’t have compulsive buyers and so to liars
The ones that when things don’t go their way turn into baby criers
Imagine our world with out those giving in to sex, drugs and the bottle
Or the ones who’s spending budget is always turned on full throttle
Imagine our world if people could just hold onto the deadliest weapon
Instead of letting their tongues spout off words that should have been kept in
Yes, if we didn’t have all those people, there would be no one left in any nation
Which makes me say once again our true battle is fighting temptation
When we can figure out our bodies die and our soul is what lives on
Maybe we can reverse the roles and make our soul’s needs number one