She Should Bounce (Editorial 3 Final Draft)

With a 9-16 overall record many people may be wondering where a certain sports program at UNK is heading as they stare into the future of athletics. As people look back, into this specific sport, memories of twenty win seasons and All-American players flood their minds. Loper Athletics as a whole has always been thought of as a powerhouse. But this year the Women’s Basketball program may be the weakest link. So as one stands in the present it is quite unclear why the sudden flip flop occurred in the win/loss statistic, as the year 2010 came bouncing in.

Although some may blame the incredibly young team that shows up on the roster for the rocky road the program has experienced thus far into the season, it should be brought forth that there is a coaching problem as well. Now, how would any bystander be able to observe such a situation with out being influenced by a biased opinion on this subject? Well, if anyone did any research at all they would find this. The current head coach has reigned over the basketball program for eight years. In the last four and a half years the program has been through four assistant coaches and has said goodbye to thirteen players who decided wearing the Loper uniform was not for them. Now if anyone is not good at math here, that is an average of three players and one coach per year. Having this many people stream in and out of a program in such a short amount of time would start to take its toll on a team one would think. It has done just that and it is quite evident this year as the program hired a sports psychologist to come work out the kink in their rope to success. Is it just the bad weather Mother Nature throws at us in the great town of Kearney that is pushing these people away? Although Kearney has seen some horrible winters over the past four years there has to be more than snowflakes and zero degree temperatures that are forcing these people to make a decision to leave. Maybe we have a hardheaded coach who isn't willing to change her ways on our hands.

Something needs to be done about the current situation this sports program has found themselves in. If the university wants to boost attendance and bring more recruits into the program a conclusion must be made about how to achieve this. With a coach who must care more about her win loss record than her players or co-workers it will be hard to get the program heading in a positive direction. If a psychologist can’t help the situation who can? Oh that’s right, a new coach could.

Pack your Powerade and Powerbar, we're going on a Powertrip

We have all worked for someone who constantly carries their suitcase with them everywhere they go. Yes, it seems they grip the handle of life so tightly, their hand has forever molded into that position to seize all it contains. They pack every minor detail into this suitcase and are sure to let you know about it when you show up for work. It is as though all they care about are themselves and of course that beloved suitcase and all it entails. They open their suitcase up every day and unload the whole lot right on top of your shoulders. As random objects fall out in your face you wonder why exactly it is that you work for this person. Why should you work for someone who has to carry that big fat suitcase around with him or her everywhere they go? Well I’ll tell you why. Your boss is on a power trip. Yep, they packed their bag and are ready to take you on a vacation from hell.

It’s worth it some might say, especially if you make good money. But making money should have little to do with why you show up to work everyday. It should be because you love what you do. This love suddenly turns into a task when your boss sucks every ounce of that love you ever possessed from your body. It turns into a dreaded assignment. And if you fail this assignment your job position is threatened, so you suddenly must walk on egg shells everywhere you go, just hoping your boss's suitcase doesn't come crashing down on your head.

When it is finally evident to you that all your boss cares about is themselves and how high up they are on the rankings of "most prestigious bosses" list, that's when you know it is time to opt out of the vacation. Your boss will never care about you as a person. They will only care about what you can produce for them. Because as much as anyone tries to pry that suitcase from their hand they will always be on a trip. A power trip.

The life in the day of a...

I get thrown around like I'm a chance to be taken. I've seen the floor more than any person alive. I am thick-skinned and sometimes stubborn. I give all I can for you but sometimes things don't play out how you want them too. Some people want me more than others. And the ones that want me demand my presence. I experience sweat and tears with the best and the worst. I get caught up, and everyone is reaching for me but only one can have me at a time. Because of me people's lives are changed dramatically. I've seen tempers rise and tears fall all because of one movement I make. Some people say they live and die by me and they can't get me off their mind. Other's lose interest in me and slowly start to ignore my existence. I build friendships and I make enemies. I am a basketball, watch me work as I change the world.

Forty Days and Forty Nights....Yikes!

So lent has started. Forty days and forty nights of sacrificing your favorite things are what we have to look forward to. As I dug my hand into our candy bowl last night I realized shortly after, I gave up sweets for lent. I unwillingly stuck them back in the bowl and wondered to myself, what the heck are you thinking? Honestly. But then I realized I could really improve myself by doing this so it’s worth it. Now some of you out there may be Catholic bashers and I’m fine with that. You bash away my friends. For those of you who happen to be Catholic I’m sure you got asked several times what was on your forehead. Don’t be shamed people. I look at it this way. God, yes, even God has a sense of humor. He does not want that cross up on our forehead for people to point and say, “Oh look there’s the Catholic, haha.” No, no, he has us do that so we can be creative and try to come up with a different answer to tell people every time they ask why there is black stuff on our foreheads. He is a funny guy, he really is. If he didn’t have a sense of humor then there would be no such thing as humor itself. So as prep for next year we will try and come up with ten different answers to tell people when they tell you that you have something on your face.

1. “Is it shaped like a cross? Ok good.”
2. “Well I was going for the artist look today. You know charcoaly?”
3. “Dude, I know, I just got done cleaning my chimney.”
4. “Ah man! I told grandma not to kiss me on the forehead when she wears black lipstick! That’s so embarrassing.”
5. “You would not believe what just happened. I just got attacked by the dust bunny and he slapped me on the face.”
6. (If the cross is very evident) “It was like that when I woke up. I sinned yesterday. I think God has shunned me with this black cross, so when I look in the mirror I remember he’s mad at me.”
7. “Oh crap. I work at a funeral home. We turned someone into ashes today.”
8. “I’m a pyromaniac.”
9. “My toaster started on fire this morning. Things got ugly.”
10. “I do? Wow, no one else has said a thing to me.”

Well here we are starting this Lenten journey with another Ash Wednesday behind us. Next year you will be prepared. No matter what religion you are though, try giving something up just to see if you can. I dare ya. God’s a good dude, and someday, in the event that mankind actually figures out what it is that this world revolves around, millions of people are going to be shocked and perplexed to find out that it was not them….this includes me. Which is why I think the least we can do is give up something we love for forty days for the guy.

Open wider please

So today I got my chompers clean, Ya I’m talking teeth

With two hands in your orifice, its kinda hard to breathe

You start to sweat and squirm, as that light beats on your face

When mister dentist says to floss, you think man get off my case

The only tools I like in my mouth, are really forks and spoons

Well and of course a toothbrush, but sharp ones, no thank you

How uncomfortable it is, to be that close to someone else

Without either of you speaking, as they look inside your chops

And those flavors for the polish, man who came up with those

Strawberry, are you kidding me, only if I can swallow

Then rinse and use the awkward vacuum tool as it sucks on your cheek

And then giving you a free toothbrush is supposed to make your week

Well sorry dentist man, but I don’t really like what you do

Thanks for cleaning my teeth, but I would just rather not see you

Which is why I brush my teeth three times a day

And not a cavity or a filling is getting in my way

It's just an awkward visit, you can't talk or say a thing

Which is why if you are dentist, you must be entertaining

Ya I think they should be story tellers, as they work on your maw

Then as they tell their tale, I can at least spit out Oooo or Ahhhh

But now that I think about it, if my mouth is open wide

My Ooos and Ahhhs will all sound like Ahhhs, with his darn fists inside

Will you not be my Valentine

When you put orange and black together you get Halloween. Mix some green and red in there and you get Christmas. But throw pink in the mix, and you get something special. You get chocolates and flowers and a whole lot of lovin. Hallmark’s busiest time of year and every florist’s nightmare happens to land on this day. February 14^th is loved by the lovers and hated by the haters. Oh Valentines Day, who came up with your existence? Every poor dude out there thinks that if he doesn’t buy his girl a dozen roses he has failed her in every way. And every girl out there thinks that if her boyfriend of three years doesn’t propose, that maybe he doesn’t really love her. Look at the expectations you set you silly holiday. You make this day some people’s first time to say I love you or maybe its some people’s first time to experience each other’s nakedness. But who says we have to be (as Bambi says it best) “Twitterpated” on this day? I’m just going to live this day in my sweatpants and sneakers, still wearing last night’s makeup on my face and try not to make a big deal out of the reds and pinks overtaking the universe. Now, I know what you all are thinking. This is my feeble attempt to bash Valentines Day because I happen to be one of the single ladies out there that won’t receive flowers but will still probably be eating chocolate. But I’ll let you in on a secret. I don’t really like flowers. I mean if I got them I wouldn’t hate them but the sun will still rise tomorrow if some plants in a vase are not sitting on my nightstand. So I’m not bashing Valentines Day. No way. I like chocolate too much to do that. And flowers aren’t so bad; they should just have a different scent is all. If flowers smelled like cologne or if I could eat them when they were done looking pretty then maybe I would like them better. All I’m trying to say is why do we have to set a holiday for people to love each other? Flowers are expected on this day. They aren’t expected on March 29^th. I’d rather receive them then if I were to get any. It’s a random day. Shouldn’t this love thing be happening every day? No, you’re right, it’s too much work to love like that every day. I would have to say I’m more of an April fools girl. Definitely fits my personality better. Like how cool would it be to ask someone to marry you on April Fools and really mean it? The guy walks up and is like “Babe, will you marry me? April Fools!....No but seriously, you wanna?” And then the girl gets to say no without hurting his pride. Anyway it seems I’ve went on a tangent here. For all you lovers out there, I hope you enjoy each other’s company. I sincerely mean that. For all you single people out there lets enjoy it while we can, “I’m feelin like a star, you can’t stop my shine, I’m lovin cloud nine, my head’s in the sky, I’m solo, I’m ridin solo, I’m ridin solo."

Practice Safe Text (Editorial 2)

 

As of January 1^st nineteen states have banned this common activity that so many of us use while driving. This action has become such a part of our daily routine that we consider it necessary to perform, not just a bad habit. The popular art of texting is not a new term to us, but the thought of it being illegal in Nebraska while we press down on the accelerator is. Senator John Harms is pushing to make texting while driving illegal in Nebraska as well. He wants it to be a primary offense not secondary. With a secondary offense a person must be pulled over for another traffic violation such as speeding.

 

We all think, “Oh it can’t happen to me.” We continue doing it because the odds are not against us. After all isn’t everyone textually active, and especially when they drive? A common acronym in the textual world is STD. For those who are not textually active this means Sudden Traumatic Disaster. More and more people are suffering from AIDS. Acronym use In Driving Scene. This needs to stop. Our hands are getting out of hand. Why should we risk our lives for a few abbreviated words?

 

Viewing accident after accident in the last five years, Nebraska is beginning to wonder if they should join the busy states like California in banning its use in the car. “Why should we?” is the question that our fellow Nebraskans are asking themselves. Its Nebraska, the roads couldn’t possibly be busy enough for anyone to worry about multitasking right? Wrong. When you text and drive chances are you have one hand on the steering wheel if you are lucky, otherwise a knee, your eyes are not focused on the road, and your mind cannot possibly be thinking about driving. Well, if your hands are doing something your brain should probably be in on it too. Banning texting and driving would be a smart move by Nebraska. Even though it may be hard to follow the temptation to do so would decline if a person were to be fined.

 

Although it may seem very inconvenient and quite ridiculous, it’s really not all that unreasonable. How is driving a car sixty-five miles per hour and having your eyes on something else besides the road you are traveling on not ridiculous as well? It could almost compare to drunk driving. We might have a few P.O.’ed citizens running around if this bill were to pass but that acronym looks a lot better when you set it beside the other acronym R.I.P. 

Practice Safe Text

All right all you texters out there. All you people who check your phone at least every two and half minutes because you think you will miss a text otherwise.  And most importantly who have had your heart beat speed up immensely because you swerved off the road while texting your buddy and driving. Listen up. Senator Harms wants to pass a bill that bans texting and driving. If you are caught you will be fined. Wow, that doesn’t seem fair does it? I mean we eat and drive, talk and drive, sing and drive, I won’t name all of them but you get the point. We do a lot while driving because well, what else would we do while we are just sitting in our cars driving sixty five miles per hour? Hmm well chances are if your hands are in on something your brain should be in on it to. So if we are driving, maybe we should put a little more focus into driving. Have you ever drove somewhere but you were texting the whole time so by the time you got there you can barely remember stopping and turning because it was like your car was on auto pilot? Don’t lie. You can remember. And its scary to think about but it happens to all of us. You see people, we must practice safe text. No one wants to hear of another STD. For those of you who are not textually active this means Sudden Traumatic Disaster.  More and more people are getting AIDS every year. Acronym use In Driving Scene.  All of you say oh no, it can’t happen to me. But, yes people, it can.  You keep doing it and your odds will go up. So don’t risk your life to read a few abbreviated words.

Superbowl 44

Superbowl 44, what a great one it was

The Saints and the Colts, brought on some buzz

A buzz in the papers and a buzz in your skull

You stopped mixing drinks and just took a pull

After the Colts lost their grip, you lost hope in life

You called in sick to work because of the strife

You ate more than your fill and downed that bottle

All because your boys couldn’t win on full throttle

Your whole month had come down to this game

And now that it’s over you feel pretty lame

You muster up the courage to talk to your friends

Because you bet them fifty bucks the Colts would win

Your pride has been shattered and your faith has been shaken

Because the one man you believed in has now been mistaken

Yes Peyton Manning is not the God you once knew

As his pass gets intercepted you realize he’s human too

And then it dawns on you that you’ve never met the man

But you wear his jersey around cause you’re his biggest fan

The thing is, he has no idea that you even exist

And you start to cry because you just can’t resist

It’s finally dawned on you how much time you have lost

How much weight you have gained and the price it has cost

You watch a man knock another man on his butt

On a Sunday night to then get paid 1.4 million bucks

And it seems all you get in return

Is a mess to clean up and a constant heart burn

 Superbowl 44 was entertaining to see

But in the end it’s just a game, not the reason to be 

If you really knew me

So people. I’m on the basketball team and we have our own team psychologist that works with us right? This fancy lady that knows all about how people think and what people are going to do next and how to fix problems. Oh wait that sounds a lot like God, how does she know all that? Right she doesn’t. She’s a pretender. Yep I said it. A pretender. And we believe her!  So today I believed her when she told me that people really don’t know me. Like really know me. I thought to myself, lady you are right! There is so much people don’t know about me. So she had us all go around the room and say the phrase “If you really knew me you would know…..fill in the blank.” This has got me thinking about what people really don’t know about me so I thought I would share some.

If you really knew me you would know that I broke my foot falling off a horse

If you really knew me you would know that I secretly love to wear slippers

If you really knew me you would know that I got a mole burnt off my neck three years ago

If you really knew me you would know that I workout out to screaming music

If you really knew me you would know that I am super organized

If you really knew me you would know that I failed math my sophomore year

If you really knew me you would know that I eat grapes like a bag of chips

If you really knew me you would know that I listen to classical music every morning

If you really knew me you would know that I haven’t eaten a hot dog in years because my puppy choked on one and died and the sight of one almost brings me to tears

If you really knew me you would have pulled the bs flag on at least the third line about the mole on my neck. People, the mole is still there. 

Yes, if you really knew me you wouldn't have believed me just like I believed the psychologist who pretends to know all things like God. 

Look at how easy it is to believe people. You so easily just fell into the nice delicate trap I set up for you. You believed it and I had you going. You felt like you were really getting to know me but nope, you weren’t.

Dating at its worst

Alright, the dating world can be rough. We all know that. Especially now a days where everything is started through texting or facebook. For goodness sakes we are dating online even. No there is no such thing as a "Hi, how are you?" and a simple handshake gesture anymore. Do we really get to know people for people anymore? Or do we get to know people's facebook profile's and texting strategies instead? Because really how many people (be honest) have you actually met in college, sober? This is how it works you see. You go to a party you see someone, you stalk them on facebook and then you become friends. Yay, what a world. Yea, I would say our dating system is pretty messed up these days. Well this isn't half as bad as what's about to come. Get a load of this. If you can't find anyone you like at a party, on facebook, or online, you can just order yourself a robot. Oh I'm not kidding around people. The world's first robotic girlfriend was just invented. (They are working on a robotic male ladies, don't worry). She is complete with flesh like synthetic skin and you can program her to have whatever personality you wish. Wild Wendy, Frigid Farah and Mature Martha are of just a few of the personalities. The article says she can't cook or clean but she can do almost anything else if you know what I mean. Good grief. Are we that shallow we have to stoop down to dating robots now? The robots are available in Europe and soon to be in the United States. All I have to say is gag me.

Winter, go away

Alright, who here is sick of snow? It just never stops. Ever. Just when you think it's over, Miss Mother Nature chuckles to herself and unfolds another blanket of her cold presence on us. I just want her to turn on the electric blanket already and give this place some heat! It must be just hilarious for her to watch us all slip and slide and fall down and walk into class feeling miserable and cold. Can't you just see her yelling, "Haha suckas!" Snow, you have out warmed, or should I say out colded, your welcome. No one wants you anymore. Everyone has grown tired of coats and scarves and hats and boots. We are all getting sick of starting our cars and turning on the defrost. I don't even scrape my car off anymore. That's right I'm just going on strike. Give me a little hole on the windshield so I can see where I'm going and that's all I need. But this man on the other hand, he feels a little different about the situation. I think this guy was cut out for snow. Watch the video and you will see what I mean. He takes scraping off your car to the extremes and OCD to a whole new level. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yoxs0ELG0mA

Outsmart em

Lets face it. When it comes to breaking the law, not very many people can say they haven't done it. If you haven't then stop reading this now because your life is very lame and boring and you lack an extreme amount of excitement. Now, for the rest of us who speed, have used fake I.D's, drank before you were 21, pulled a U-turn, and done about everything you could, just to see if you could get away with it, you will understand the humor in this story. Because if you are like me, when you speed you try and think of really good reasons to tell the officer if and when you get pulled over. You might carry a water bottle and splash it on your pants just before he knocks on the window and say "Sorry, I had to go so bad!" You might also tell the person next to you to scream like they are in a severe amount of pain and tell Mr. Ima PullYouOva that you need to get to the hospital right away. Maybe your a flirt. Or maybe you can cry your way out of it. Whatever your strategy is, we all try to outsmart the law. It gives us a rush and it gives you that pat on the back type of feeling when you know you've beat them.

Well, one 61 year old New Yorker man was not so lucky. You see, he tried to outsmart the law by placing a fully dressed mannequin in his passenger seat so he could use the high occupancy lane that requires two or more people on the Long Island Expressway. He would have been fine if it were a sunny day but placing a pair of sunglasses on the motionless woman and putting her visor down on a cloudy day made things look a little fishy. Quite frankly I think the idea is pretty genius but a $135 dollar fine later the idea gets shot down pretty quickly. But really, what is the harm in driving with a mannequin? I give the guy props for trying it. If I were a cop I think I would have let it slide. Who wants to report over the radio "Ya, can I get some back up, I just pulled over a guy with a mannequin and things could get ugly." Thats embarrassing isn't it? Just let gramps go. Go find a shooting or bust a meth lab or something. And if you have to pull someone over at least get them for speeding, geez.

I guess the lesson learned here is, if you are gonna break the law don't get caught. And if you are driving with a mannequin, make sure you check the weather forecast before you leave the house.